Part 30: Anxiety du Jour: Escape to: Mekong, Cupcakes, Ebony Hillbillies (felines follow)
I am trying to get a hold of my anxieties, corral all the “what-if’s” and put them aside for now. It’s not easy. I am listening two two courses from The Great Courses, on Mindfulness, an Introduction to Meditation, and Stress and Your Body. Now that I know I am capable of doing myself in by worry–which I know intellectually does no one any good, I am trying to do something about it. Death by worry isn’t worth while and anxiety can be so overwhelming, as I am listening to these courses I find I am not alone; there are millions like me worried about something, millions who are thinking about the past and the future and not the present. All I have to do is get hold of an ornery cat twice a day and give him a shot of insulin–is that SO bad? I am rolling my eyes and you know that. The cat is still at the vet and will be there until Tuesday until he is insulin regulated. All that time and money; I have to be able to do this, I can’t watch an animal self-deconstruct in front of me. So, nurse Sans Souci, here, will be learning how to prepare insulin, needles, hypodermics and will hope she will be able to administer, painlessly to both her and her subject, a shot.
In my more manageable moments (I think L-Theanine may be helping), I try to get out and divert myself, but like chapter one of the course I just listened to on mindfulness, it is hard to stay in the present. The ship of What-if’s comes sailing into my harbor and some schmuck runs to the dock and anchors it without my consent. There it bobs waiting for me to come on board.
Friday night I was hungry, a good sign, and went to a local Vietnamese restaurant for an excellent and reasonable meal followed by a visit to a boutique bakery with designer goods. Cupcakes in Heels where everything is named after someone in Vogue magazine and the pastries don’t look real in their pastel and creamy adornments. At this point in life and in my anxiety du jour, I can do with a bite and be done with it. It’s more like my eyes are curious rather than my stomach and sweet just doesn’t do it for me. But those little pastel macaroons called to me. Purple and yellow. Earl Gray and lavender. And no gluten. Haven’t touched them yet.
I actually felt better Friday night: My mother was doing OK and was not alone so why worry? The cat was still at the vet so why worry? At that point my stomach woke up. But Saturday night after speaking to the vet I began to feel that same old sick feeling hovering over my large intestine. Danger! Will Robinson!! It doesn’t even matter that that isn’t even my name: I’ll take it!! Did I hear danger? Come right over and stress me out! That’s what my guts have learned over the last six months. It’s funny, but you can teach your guts new tricks just like a dog. They learn readily and ably so who needs a pet? Less trips to the vet for a diagnosis of diabetes (for the cat) and more trips to the internist for me, but hey, at least I don’t have to cram myself into a cat carrier against my will. OK, I digress.
Flushing Town Hall is a great local venue for the arts of all kinds and even social events and weddings. It is a Civil War era building that has acquired landmark status and is in the process of being spiffed up. It’s been through cycles of neglect and repair and it is doing great now.
Last night I heard The Ebony Hillbillies, an incredible group, one of the last black string bands that plays traditional and dance music from the mid 19th century and on, up til the blues. Excellent musicianship, playing and singing. These are not youngsters, these are well-seasoned artists who know their stuff.
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- Newman Taylor Baker washboard, drummer
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- Norris Bennett 5 string banjo
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- Gloria Thomas Gassaway plays bones
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- Henrique Prince is self-taught on fiddle
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- William Salter, Norris Bennett
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- Gloria Thomas Gassaway
I sat during the concert partially present thinking about my cat and insulin, about how I should be present in the moment and stop torturing myself. The way it is, is this, as a colleague used to say: you can only do what you can do. If I am unable to administer meds to my dear pet at least I know I went the full mile and tried. Special food which I already started him on a month ago won’t solve the problem, that is obvious for, if it could, it would have made a difference in the glucose numbers while at the vet; it might be the best I can do.
My problem is: best is never good enough.
While this video is available (the author posted it for a limited time), please take the time to watch. It is mesmerizing and perfectly done: And the fellow who wrote it also wrote a Doctor Who episode.
Why I get involved with cats.
Well, why AM I involved with cats? Rumor has it from my earliest years I had a white puffy toy cat under my arm wherever I went.
Thank you to my Italian sister, Dani for this video. Very touching. So many levels of stuff going on.
I hear you when you say these trying times raise your anxiety. I remember feeling strange palpitations (anxiety) when my brother was terminally ill. We had such a deep connection. As a book’s title, it was a “chronicle of an announced death” and I had never experienced that before. I am glad you are aware and looking for ways to control it. And I loved the candy and video…thanks for taking the time to post them!
I’m blushing. Thanks so much for the mention, sweetheart, I’m honoured that you posted the video, and hope many more viewers will appreciate it.
What a great group the Ebony Hillbillies are, a real adrenaline shot. And about insuline shots, it is true: you can only do what you can do. If you can’t manage them, just continue with the special food; it may not be the cure, but it won’t harm your cat either. Just think positive: he has had and is having a very happy and cosy life with you and his mates.
Your macaroons look like those designed by La Durée, a Parisian confectioner, which were also featured in Sofia Coppola’s Antoinette movie.
The Louis Vuitton bag is crazy 😀 I have seen also pictures of some Christian Louboutin chocolate shoes, also crazy (especially the price). Why not dream?
I’m blushing. Thanks so much for the mention, sweetheart, I’m honoured that you posted the video, and hope many more viewers will appreciate it.
What a great group the Ebony Hillbillies are, a real adrenaline shot. And about insuline shots, it is true: you can only do what you can do. If you can’t manage them, just continue with the special food; it may not be the cure, but it won’t harm your cat either. Just think positive: he has had and is having a very happy and cosy life with you and his mates.
The macaroons look like those designed by La Durée, a Parisian confectioner, which were also featured in Sofia Coppola’s Antoinette movie.
The Louis Vuitton bag is crazy 😀 I have seen also pictures of some Christian Louboutin chocolate shoes, also crazy (especially the price). Why not dream?
Thanks as always for your support. It helps!!
Thanks for the wonderful photo. Aren’t these confections fabulous??
Did you have a taste of that Louis Vuitton bag??? I bet that tasted good. Those Ebony Hillbillies have a great sound. The black cat in the video reminded me of Arnold, especially because of his injured eye. Poor little guy.
I know!! Little Arnold!!
No, no taste of the Vuitton cake: that’s special order and hundreds of dollars!