The thing with the elderly is this: everything can be fine one minute and wacky the next. It’s like dealing with a person with a borderline personality disorder; they can easily lash out at the people they have the closest relationship with and that is because paranoia takes over, mistrust and miscommunication is common as are mood swings. And, it is said that whatever a person is like in younger years, traits are exaggerated in the older years.

My mother began to function better once home from her month-long hospital stay. Returning home was disorienting but in many ways it made her appreciate her apartment and even the food she constantly complained about: everything is relative and yin needs yang.

So, here is an example of what can happen:

A written notice was distributed that the carpeting on my mother’s floor would be replaced on a certain day and that the work would begin at 8:00 pm to avoid conflict with residents, who, were asked to leave their doors unlocked and ajar so that the installation could be done properly.

The aide on the first-shift knew. I don’t know if the second shift-aide was aware and if she was, it slipped her mind. At 7:00 pm she left and locked the door behind her. My mother went to sleep and was awakened soon after by banging. Supposedly, the installers were accompanied by a staff member; my mother assumed her apartment was being broken into. She waited until morning when the first-shift aide arrived, and called the police. 

This was not the first time.

The aide reported that the police listened and went down to the front desk to investigate.

Now, I can see both sides of this story: the building does work after hours but still within the acceptable time parameters. However, it does not take into account that some people turn-in very early: You can’t make everyone happy.

Many residents are old and forgetful, and even if they were told and reminded about the work scheduled to take place, they likely forget. As it is, they easily get emotional — terrified, angry.

When the aide tried to explain what happened to my mother, it wasn’t appreciated. The response was accusatory: “whose side are you on!?”

The elderly always win, lest the other party wants to be fired, disowned or lose their head. The elderly need to feel that they are in control. The empowerment helps in diverting them from thinking about the real issue: death is imminent. (my take).

In the last few weeks one of my on-line friends passed suddenly and two others lost siblings. It all happened very fast. They were relatively young people whose numbers were called, leaving family and friends in the earthquake-zone of the news.

And then I see my mother at almost ninety-nine, a feisty, tiny person ready for a fight and to self-defend.

I called earlier to alert her about a physical therapist coming today.

“Oh boy, did I have a terrible week but I handled it myself and everything is OK.”

I had already heard all the details from three people. I was even assured by the folks at the front desk that my mother isn’t the first to call the police.

“Good for you, Ma,” I said, empowering a woman who I hardly recognize, whose age is twenty-six numbers higher than her weight. 

That’s all they need; to know they can still be the rebel-rousers they once were.

The Greatest Generation.

This series starts here:
Part 1: And The Band Played On … a mother’s life, a daughter’s journey

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