143. Mother-Daughter Journey: She Said, She Said
“She Said, She Said” John Lennon / Paul Mccartney
She said, “I know what it’s like to be dead.
I know what it is to be sad.”
And she’s making me feel like I’ve never been born.
I said, “Who put all those things in your head?
Things that make me feel that I’m mad.”
And you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.
“She said, “You don’t understand what I said.”
I said, “No, no, no, you’re wrong.
When I was a boy everything was right,
Everything was right.”
I said, “Even though you know what you know,
I know that I’m ready to leave
‘Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.”
“She said, “You don’t understand what I said.”
I said, “No, no, no, you’re wrong.
When I was a boy everything was right,
Everything was right.”
I said, “Even though you know what you know,
I know that I’m ready to leave
‘Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.”
I know what it is to be sad.”
And she’s making me feel like I’ve never been born.
I said, “Who put all those things in your head?
Things that make me feel that I’m mad.”
And you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.
“She said, “You don’t understand what I said.”
I said, “No, no, no, you’re wrong.
When I was a boy everything was right,
Everything was right.”
I said, “Even though you know what you know,
I know that I’m ready to leave
‘Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.”
“She said, “You don’t understand what I said.”
I said, “No, no, no, you’re wrong.
When I was a boy everything was right,
Everything was right.”
I said, “Even though you know what you know,
I know that I’m ready to leave
‘Cause you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.”
“She said, “I know what it’s like to be dead.
I know what it is to be sad.
I know what it’s like to be dead…”
I know what it is to be sad.
I know what it’s like to be dead…”
Remember I told you that things were “quiet” with my mother? Unusually quiet? The moon is a full snow moon. A storm is coming. The weather is changing, the world has changed. The phone rang before 8:00 am this morning. There were, as I later found, messages on my phone. Please call me! Messages on the answering machine.
Previously, in these circumstances, I’d feel my blood pressure rise, I would go into full-blown panic mode. I assumed, this morning, that because the aide reported that my mother looked strange when she walked in yesterday morning, that my mother’s blood pressure was low, that she didn’t feel right, it was a prelude to the end. In fact, we all thought it was the end.
It wasn’t. it wasn’t the end. It was a prelude to a wacky outburst. Again.
Let’s play “match the person who made the statement” with the aide, or my mother.
Now that we have completed our game. Let’s look at the latest texts.
There you have it, kids. The entire performance of the show, today’s show. There have been thousands of shows with the same theme which has had top-billing for years. There is no need to rehearse, everyone knows their lines. it is like “Groundhog Day,” but when the show debuted it made me ill. Sick to my stomach. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know how to soothe the feathers-on each side. I was always a diplomat but I learned to be a better one. I learned to turn off my heart and wrap it in some impenetrable substance that I found along the way. My survival coat. My coat of choice tries to seal in the positive, the “love” the sane moments. Good memories. My coat is drenched in repellant. It is better equipped to deflect an aide telling me she would leave. It is better able to push away my mother’s fleeting paranoia.
It is the only way.
It works.
Most of the time.
This series starts here:
Part 1: And The Band Played On … a mother’s life, a daughter’s journey
The previous post is here.
The next post is here.
I love how you maintain a sense of humor throughout all this.
My oh my. The show is on again…
Oy. The delusions of that he elderly are hard. And aides have feelings. It is hard, even if “they” are old to just grin and bear it. I’m glad you learned to spray yourself with repellant. Sounds like the aide needs a vacation. Sending lots of love and hugs!!!