189. Poetry: Connecting The Dots: Poetry Reading
I realized I hadn’t transferred this poem from Yahoo. Some people may have read it. Now you may listen, too.
Please wait for the audio tracks to load.
Connecting the Dots ©srk9/17/07
I
Seeing Stars
****
It was a cold day, maybe in November in 1954,
around my 6th birthday or perhaps not far after,
when my father took me by the hand.
I see my plaid coat, I feel the itchy wool, coarse to my touch,
I see its blue and green box design and a hat to match tied
under my chin:
the coat had a brown mouton collar and the
bonnet had the same fur around the edges.
I don’t remember if I knew how to tie the bow
with the strings in my small cold hands.
Did we take the bus? Probably the subway
to the Upper West Side of Manhattan to
The Hadyn Planetarium.
How did my small thin legs
climb so many steps,
make so many transfers between
the east and west side of the city?
My feet shivered through my red shoes.
My father’s hand was warm.
He was taking me to see the stars.
II
John Cameron Swayze
****
There were many seats in the domed, round, warm auditorium;
A monster—a projector, though I didn’t know it then,
sat central like a huge ant, an alien being crafted, likely by Carl Zeiss,
filled with glass and light;
it would change my life.
The room darkened and all at once the universe brightened
on the ceiling; I was terrified. I was a city child,
I didn’t have this many stars, I didn’t know them or
comprehend them. I was used to the occasional smattering
in the sky, strewn about,
competing with the city lights.
Aside from terror that day, I learned fear, and respect;
The lecturer took his light pointer and aimed it at a painting
in white pointillism, stories high above us
called, “Orion.”
He connected the dots and the warrior appeared;
he called the 3 stars in his belt, “John Cameron Swayze;”
(Those who knew the name of the newscaster,
popular at that time, laughed—the dome filled and echoed with the roar.)
I learned what Sunday school taught and what I couldn’t understand;
That there was a “God” and that he was bigger than we could imagine,
comprised of points of light, too many to count.
And then the unthinkable happened: the stars began to move
And became indelibly imprinted on my conscious,
and my subconscious,
so burned on the inside of my eyelids that I could never escape them.
I peeked at the swirling expanse from between my fingers
as I would 3 years later, when I was alone in the house and watched
Lon Chaney in “The Mummy.”
The fear was too much for me, the movement too fast, the
years were passing,
time was accelerating,
the ceiling was spinning out of control
throwing me into a pool of universal chaos and disorder.
I was never the same, after that. I was becoming Dave in 2001,
writhing in loss of control as the Milky Way took over,
sucking me in,
swirling me around,
into the vortex.
I was grabbing at time and space;
All dimensions were spun into the mix
where black holes and white stars became one gray rotating
threatening cloud.
Save me!
Every time I closed my eyes after that day
I saw “the stars.”
They followed me, taunted me, dared me to grow up.
Terrified me.
They would not stop harassing me as they swirled
beneath my eyelids.
For years they were the boogey-man
in the closet, or the monster under the bed.
The stars. The cold pinpricks of white that I would later learn
were suns.
III
Shooting Stars
****
I was propelled into 1973, into the mountains of Utah,
in a car packed with camping equipment.
A tent, gallons of water. a Porto-san nearby,
a herd of cows, grazing.
The altitude defied the heat of the summer days.
When the light faded to a glow on the horizon and
bounced pink and purple off the Arches and Canyons
into the rim of the sky,
which soon dulled to black velvet;
the projector was turned on again for the first time
in years.
I was abducted, into the place of
fear, of awe, of fright
at the magnificence, the power, the sky—so chaotic yet neatly
sprinkled with white dust;
beyond a child’s grasp, beyond an adult’s comprehension.
The number of points became
Zeno’s conundrum, uncountable, indivisible, defining
what could never be defined.
Lying on my back, I prayed;
numbers were my psalms,
I couldn’t complete one page in the bible of science,
of the holy Universe.
I kept losing count,
I didn’t know the language
of this foreign place–
“And there, behold! Light begat light!”
A shooting star!
The sky began to rotate.
IV
The Black Box
****
Now this painting is branded into me; a secret is revealed to me:
It is the explanation– that nothing can be explained.
That it’s too much, too vast to understand.
It goes where I go, in the box where I carry
Orion, John Cameron Swayze,
myself at age 6,
my plaid coat and hat,
my youth, my childhood fears,
Lon Chaney.
My father.
They are all in there somewhere,
swirling like the stars,
Wrecking havoc with the universe of my memories,
Pummeling me with laser guns, spewing points of light
at my minimal comprehension.
I am awe struck by what I have collected
inside of me;
I take the pencil in my small hand
and try to connect the dots.
****
Original comments from parallel universe at Yahoo:
(21 total) Post a Comment
I love this blog, and by the way, I must’ve had an influence on YOU this time:
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-CfyfZ3E9aLJVTKEd1NE1fA–?cq=1&tag=theplanets
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 05:04pm (EDT)
Ah… It’s great! I’d love to see you with the little coat, the hat, the little red shoes and that impressed face. The Haydn music matches very well!
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 04:34pm (CDT)
You changed the music? The Imeem thing wasn’t there when I first read. Oh, well… 🙂
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 04:36pm (CDT)
I sit watching the mist rise off the fields as if the earth were breathing Fog covers the fertile black earth as it to blanket it and I long for a blanket for myself
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 07:12pm (CDT)
Wonderful pairing of music and words!!! Thanks for this my friend!
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 10:36pm (EDT)
I only wish that one day I will experience and be able to write as well as this. You amaze me my friend.
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 09:42pm (CDT)
wonderful poem… amazing how an experience stays with us. You have such a wonderful way with words and I love the circle of life you show. LOL I forgot to copy my link so just click on my icon for my poem.
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 08:58pm (MDT)
I love this! You’ve made me feel like to go to the Planetarium ;0)
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 07:51am (CEST)
My associations are it is an awaking to the vast mystery of the universe beyond any rational understanding or control and the terrifying feeling we are just drifting in empty space..the world is not sane as we were taught but senseless and meaningless.~~Papa
Tuesday October 16, 2007 – 11:16pm (PDT)
All this and hosting too? You are a marvel and this is true. Well my love you have awarded me ten gold stars so I just have to award you more and in comparison I guess that equates to the heavens. Golly you work hard to earn them too. Thank you
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 07:27am (BST)
The skies above mirror the earth below. The mystery of night and the mystery of life mix. “The Planets” of Holst is a perennial favourite of mine. Have I said it’s a wonderful poem? Beautiful! It’s been a lovely visit here today, thanks!
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 04:36pm (EST)
Great poem, Sue! One of the best things about growing up in a remote area was stargazing. I remember receiving an astronomy book & with it I could decipher most of the larger constellations w/out a telescope from our front porch steps. My dad was so proud of me & we would eat a bowl of ice cream & gaze up at the nighlights & their patterns. God knows how we pronounced them, though, lol. I also remember being in awe of John Cameron Swayze & his TV adventures. Great post!
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 07:15am (CDT)
Wonderful, double comment. It took nearly 2 minutes, too. Whoo. Have a great day! I’ll be back when the little green bars click into place more easily.
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 07:18am (CDT)
Love the poetry!! Thank you. I’ve posted a bit of one of my favorites on my site, if you want to check it out. Love the idea of poetry on a weekly basis!
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 06:38pm (EEST)
The Music, Gustav Holst/The Planets and The Projector at the Hadyn Planetarium all hold many memories of my growing up, thank’s for the post 🙂
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 02:18pm (CDT)
Did I mention I like your poetry 🙂
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 02:24pm (CDT)
That takes me back to my first visit to a planetarium as a child. I still remember looking up at stars whizzing around in the dark.
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 02:32pm (PDT)
That is incredibly good my friend. To me, in my darkest moments, my deepest feelings that nothing matters and that there is no Higher Power…I always find soothing comfort in the stars…their very existance lets me know that I am wrong.
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 08:34pm (EDT)
Been a busy day and finally able to take time to read I understand the sky gazing all too well Something that used to be so wonderful and know sometimes feels like this vast space into which we gaze wondering where the time has gone and why our lives are as they are
And that vastness that once seemed so powerful is silent and impotent when it meets our questioning gaze
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 09:35pm (EDT)
How you connect the starry dots and paint them in pointilistic narration. Beautiful Sue, this is worth a second read. Thanks for sharing and Good night.
Wednesday October 17, 2007 – 08:06pm (PDT)
like the music and photos!
Sue I have given comment on multi and now have come to yahoo to congratualte you on the Poetry Reading. I do feel to listen to the voice of the poet doing their own reading with emphasis on certain sections is such a great way to truly grasp the whole picture so to speak. I enjoyed hearing you very much and the Verse well it speaks volumes in so many ways. Thank you.
Wednesday March 19, 2008 – 11:08am (WST)
the best was dad taking the six year through the steps to the stars. came here via milli, as multiply did not allow me and i did not want to be late to respond.
your voice is really 54 years younger the best was the first. the emphasis on the comma, makes me to understand the verse better as per your mind. it is very nice of you to present it through recording.
well you did have a go with imeem debating over there for the thirty seconds copy right/pirate business, but then imeem has done wonders here for you.
i enjoyed. i shall comment again on the multiply once the doors are open there.
with greetings from india BTW how do u schedule things, does this recording had given you room to crush your time and schedule? shankarg
Wednesday March 19, 2008 – 09:30am (IST)
- Bill
- Offline
The past answers the future here and provides a picture of a tormented mind, and that is the wonder of it. A power not capable of human understanding and Sue you are so very human. Thank you
Wednesday March 19, 2008 – 09:12am (GMT)
Brilliant, can’t say more than that!!! BTW by husband used to work for Carl Zeiss till about four years ago.
Wednesday March 19, 2008 – 05:15pm (SGT)
Of all your poems that I have read this resounds with me the most. The words are well put together yes, but the thouht, the thought is what gets me. The universe, the stars, as a child and teenager always hurt my mind. Cound never understand unlimited space, but since then I have grown to understand that we can never understand and the universe is the ultimate unkown and it is beautiful and it doesn’t hurt me any more. Love your poem
*applauding* Well done!
A poem is so much more….when the writer reads it.
I know, from my own poetry when read by another, that it’s not always how or what I meant it to be when I wrote it down.
This is a delightful read, but an even a richer listen. *warm smile*
I loved listening to you reading this. I just may have to do it all over again. Bravo!
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clairdenuit wrote on Mar 18, ’08
what an incredible memory you have I really enjoyed your story
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lauritasita wrote on Mar 18, ’08, edited on Mar 19, ’08
All I can say is, WOW !!! I actually do think I remember reading these poems on yahoo 360. They are so profound, I don’t know where to begin. “Connecting the dots” is a figure of speech where you as a child are trying to understand the vastness of the universe, and also the things around you at such a young age. I remember having the same perception of that huge ant of a projector, although I don’t think I was with dad. It may have been a school trip. I think these poems are some of your best. I really love these.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Mar 18, ’08
lauritasita said
All I can say is, WOW !!! I actually do think I remember reading these poems on yahoo 360. They are so profound, I don’t know where to begin. “Connecting the dots” is a figure of speech where you as a child is trying to understand the vastness of the universe, and also the things around you at such a young age. I remember having the same perception of that huge ant of a projector, although I don’t think I was with dad. It may have been a school trip. I think these poems are some of your best. I really love these. Thanks dearest sis, have been revisiting my work and recording, doing a little editing to prep the pieces. I find listening to my own work is very interesting–I can disconnect from it. The bulk of my work was done in ’01-’02. This one is fairly recent, from last September. I just keep writing down nano-moments; they keep flying at me, bubbling up from the depths.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Mar 18, ’08
clairdenuit said
what an incredible memory you have I really enjoyed your story Thank you! Thank you very much!
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danceinsilence wrote on Mar 18, ’08
This is my first time hearing this. Great speaking and you have the past spoken vividly in the retelling. I visited The Hadyn Planetarium in the late 80’s. This telling has actually had me seeing the inside all over again … then when you spoke of Utah, I started thinking of Park City, the Unita Mountains (were you following me?) A very well said reflection of personal memories, thanks 8=)
Not to take away from this, in later years, Swayze became more well known doing the Timex commercials … “it takes a licking, and keeps on ticking”. |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Mar 18, ’08
danceinsilence said
This is my first time hearing this. Great speaking and you have the past spoken vividly in the retelling. I visited The Hadyn Planetarium in the late 80’s. This telling has actually had me seeing the inside all over again … then when you spoke of Utah, I started thinking of Park City, the Unita Mountains (were you following me?) A very well said reflection of personal memories, thanks 8=) Bill: The mountains were in Moab. As for John Cameron Swaze’s line: “it takes a licking, and keeps on ticking”. Do you remember Hill Street Blues? I remember in an episode a guy got run over by a car and his arm was lying disembodied in the street; Belker picked it up, saw the watch, it was a Timex, and you know what he said!
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jayaramanms wrote on Mar 18, ’08
I really admire your memory. Your poem and the story are excellent.Thank you for sharing. Please see my blog on Poetry Wednesday at – http://jayaramanms.multiply.com/journal/item/91/POETRY_WEDNEDAY_-_HOT_CROSS_BUNS
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lauritasita wrote on Mar 18, ’08
How’s this for synchronicity: I was never the same, after that. I was becoming Dave in 2001,
writhing in loss of control as the Milky Way took over, sucking me in, swirling me around, into the vortex. This just in : http://lauritasita.multiply.com/journal/item/535/My_favorite_writer_Arthur_C._Clarke_has_died_at_90 |
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danceinsilence wrote on Mar 18, ’08
hmmmm … either “Where’s Swayze when you need him” or “He was right. It took a licking and is still ticking???”
Forgot to post last time so here it be: http://danceinsilence.multiply.com/journal/item/183 |
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millimusings wrote on Mar 18, ’08
Well done Sue you are a Star. I too find immense pleasure in stargazing and thinking in the mindset of the bigger picture. One thing you said that resonates in me is that where does all this come from inside of us? I wonder this also at times. They are all in there somewhere,
swirling like the stars, Wrecking havoc with the universe of my memories, Pummeling me with laser guns, spewing points of light at my minimal comprehension. I am awe struck by what I have collected inside of me; I take the pencil in my small hand and try to connect the dots. |
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well connecting the dots, oh me u are connecting the participants so well the way the lines draw and invite each other to view others, the lines that u draw in each and every visits to enthuse the participants are amazement. your voice is young and rich cannot believe you touching/touched 60! a woman’s age should never be aired says a proverb! thanks for encouraging this indian on My poem on “want to live” is linked below: http://rajarishi.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Poetry_Wednesday_-_Want_to_Live_-_007 you have really read it with care and have drawn the essence of the translation therein. quite recently a mobile brand ship has made a theme on connecting the dots as their advertisement the mobile phone is called “airtel” the same drawing in the sky!
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as multiply had some problem few hours ago i visited you in 360 and did place my comment over there!! now regarding your visit on my blog may i sum up? Thanks for the visit there are 1330 couplets grouped into three main heads each consists of chapters each chapter contains again ten couplets. each couplet can be discussed in detail sorry i did give u a set for good Friday and Easter hope the Easter egg and hot bun does you good happy weekend thanks for visiting me http://shankarg.multiply.com/journal/item/56/2008-m052-Poetry_Wednesday-Thirukkural-_19Mar_00_00Hrs_Chennai_India
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sweetpotatoqueen wrote on Mar 19, ’08
I remember this from 360…and glad I got to reread it again with more thought & attention to detail! (Still love the music with this selection!). The unknown,the vastness of it all…to infinity! When the concept of the universe was introduced to me as child I was terrified also…hard to wrap a little mind around the concept of this Universe…hard not to have answers and concrete knowledge. My friend,is there synchronicity occuring in our selections this week of the unknown mysteries of this Universe of ours? Delightful and engaging this work of yours!! Thank you!
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skeezicks1957 wrote on Mar 19, ’08
Great blog! Glad you re-posted it here.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Mar 19, ’08, edited on Mar 19, ’08
Thanks for comments here and on the ever crumbling Yahoo–if it weren’t for the several people there I am in touch with, I wouldn’t bother. I copy all the comments and embed them so you can see; Milli and Shankar, thanks for taking the time. it took me a long while to figure out how to record. There is free software called AUDACITY but I couldn’t get it loud enough.You can go to the site and download it.
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bostonsdandd wrote on Mar 19, ’08
I tried to comment on Yahoo but imeem froze on me over there :os.
First, the title. Wow! What a title LOL. At first I thought you just picked it out randomly. Then as I started reading, and SEEING, it all I got it. You connect the dots of memory to form the poem. You went back in time and trace your steps from that beautiful little scared six year old until the time you wrote the poem. You go back and remember times of fear, of love, of awe, and a sense of finding where you belong. BEAUTIFUL! What brought about all that? These powerful words: It goes where I go, in the box where I carry Orion, John Cameron Swayze, myself at age 6, my plaid coat and hat, my youth, my childhood fears, Lon Chaney. My father. They are all in there somewhere, swirling like the stars, Wrecking havoc with the universe of my memories, Pummeling me with laser guns, spewing points of light at my minimal comprehension. I am awe struck by what I have collected inside of me; |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Mar 19, ’08
bostonsdandd said
I tried to comment on Yahoo but imeem froze on me over there :os. If we look at anything with awe, it can be overwhelming. A life. An event. Love. an illness. We create and inhabit our own universe. I find that when I see the movies of my past flash across the screen of my memory, it is a calling to write and to remember. Black boxes: coffins–death, the end, the pillars in 2001, the unknowns, the information hub in a air flight–what is always sought to give an explanation after a crash. Many ways to look at different things.
Often I don’t even get my own symbols until the work is done. Then I go back and trace the themes that come back subconsciously, and well, connect the dots. I suppose it’s what the writer and reader do. 😉 Love that team effort. |
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It is really interesting to see your perspective on life. I remember my first trip to the planeterium. It was great and all I wanted afterwards was a telescope. Unfortunately we could barely afford clothes so I lost interest in the stars but became a fan of sci-fi forever.
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tulipsinspring wrote on Mar 27, ’08
I’m back and have enjoyed visiting so much! I love hearing your voice! We get to know people on here through their written words, and it’s such a thrill when we can put a voice to the written word, especially when it involves your original poetry!
As always, I am awestruck by your memory for detail, which takes us there with you. I had a similar terrifying experience at about the same age in a museum, when I got lost there. For a long time, I had nightmares about a dinosaur skeleton, which I saw while I was lost, chasing me! To this day, I feel uncomfortable in that particular museum. I love how you speak of connecting the dots. And with your brilliant memory for detail, combined with your unique way of expressing yourself, I look forward to reading more of the connecting of the dots. I think you took a lot of time putting this blog entry together, and I’m so glad you did. It’s beautifully done. I always feel so much happier when I’ve visited one of your wonderful blogs, and am in awe, as always, of your talent. Thanks for this. Love you!!! |
Comments
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