I woke up this morning at 4:00 A.M. with my brain burning.I never give in to the writing process when I am semi conscious; I usually just lie in bed and think and lose some of my best ideas to the sunrise. Today was different; this time I got up and wrote on paper instead of my pillow.

It takes me a while to run with an idea; the seed is planted by a sentence I’ve heard, something I’ve seen, whether it be a strand of music, or a strand of hair on a brush. Eventually it all comes together, but like any process, it takes time and integration of several elements.

Yesterday my day began with a physical, and with relief. I am a survivor,a cancer survivor, and there is always that fear lurking in my mind’s recesses that I might be “mugged” again.My blood results were excellent, nothing untoward rearing its ugly head.But 2 young women I know have not been all that lucky. One just passed away, and one is soon to. Of cancers. The heavy duty kind, from which there is no escape.As much as I rally and fight and protest, I am powerless, as we all are, to save our friends; or even ourselves.

So when I returned home yesterday in a heavy deluge of grey rain, I breathed a sigh and sat down at my new computer and was grateful for another day.I wasn’t ready to synthesize my thoughts for a blog entry, so I perused the questions boards.I had posted a tech question recently and not one person was able to answer it.Well, actually, one person did answer it. Me. I give myself top rating. Five Stars. I found the answer myself, did my research and felt good about solving my own problem.But I did ask for help and in doing so was able to point myself in the right direction.Seek and ye shall find, remember?

So when I read the posts of sweet little avatars, I paused to think.There is a young person behind each cartoon likeness, with an issue:

I am freaking out: I am babysitting and my little brother got bitten by a tick, what should I do??? My mother is at work, she’s a nurse.

Am I pregnant?

Can I get an STD even if there is only a little fluid?

Why is it if I don’t eat I don’t lose weight?

Why does my cat make a funny face and open its mouth to smell?

What’s a good name for a white cat?

Why is my cat coughing?

I have the worst menstrual cramps ever with pain on my right side; could it be an appendicitis?

Am I having panic attacks in my sleep?

I have pinkeye again but I refuse to go back to the doctor, how can I get rid of it?

What I find interesting is that people now wear avatars to the masquerade ball of life; it gives them enough coverage and protection to feel safe to go out there and expose themselves.To present their inner essence to the outside world.Obviously these particular writers are young people who are experiencing growing pains and rather than go to a professional for help, a doctor when needed, they post a huge problem behind their cartoon face.It didn’t seem to dawn on the youngster who was “freaking out” that he could call his mom, who is a nurse, about his brother’s tick bite. Instead, he posted his question on Yahoo.

I hope I never read: “Help, I’m freaking out! My house in on fire and I don’t know what to do, my father’s at work; he’s a fireman.”

Exposing oneself comes in many forms on Yahoo.There is a whole community of people who
reveal their most private doings, body parts, hidden sexual agendas. They’re all out there.

Their totally exposed business has become their avatar.Everything is here for you to see.Look at me.I need attention.I need value. Look how naughty I am.I am nothing more than my body.There is nothing in me.I am an empty vessel.Validate me.

One young Canadian “bored housewife” has taken to exposing everything but her innermost soul.If I were a gynecologist, I wouldn’t see more.She could have her pap test online by avatar proxy, as well as a tonsillectomy. And her page has close to 40,000 hits.Kind of makes you wonder.Also makes you wonder why Yahoo doesn’t follow up and take it down.

It’s become an avatar world in a techno age. We are wrapped up in our own stuff, our own daily dramas, and sometimes our avatars collide.Our graphic depictions represent some form of us that needs attention, that needs to be distinguished, that needs some kind of answer or validation.The avatar is the intercessor in a scary world.I even have one.We all need one.

It’s one thing to be anonymous, it’s another to not be; to not be real, to not be courageous: against illness, tick bites, STD’s, loneliness.To not ask for recognition, validation, friendship.To not to have passion about something.To not to ask for help, and to not get that help if needed. These are the people who worry me, who need the real attention.

So, I responded to about 15 posted questions yesterday, and I hope I provided some support, comfort, and direction to those avatars with desperate moments. I give them credit. They reached out. To those of you with everything exposed, using your skin and hair follicles as your avatar, remember, there are young avatars out there who might be the age of your child.Mark your page “adult content,” for God’s sake.

And to those of you with no avatar, get one, and come out.

• Fuzzy…
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I love this post! I literally laughed out loud when I read your “help my house is on fire” thing, too funny. And very telling about what’s happening to our kids, though, they DO turn to the internet for answers, guidance, friendship, love . . . I don’t know what equivalent thing I had in my youth, maybe the “Dedication Hour” on the local AM radio station, but I do know that it’s very frightening to consider how many people out there may very well post something rather than call 911. How generous and kind of you to post answers to them, not to mock them (as I may have been inclined to do, alas). You example makes me think, gives me pause, and definitely bridges the gap between me and them. As only an avatar can, right?