How do you attend your son’s wedding without your partner of almost fifty years?

You just do. You kind of depersonalize. You step out of your body, disconnect and swallow the lump in your throat. You’ve rehearsed the event in your mind as best as you could with your imagination as your guide. You observe. It is bittersweet to see a child reach this point but you try to focus on the positive. You smile, you dance, you focus on not falling, you mingle, you try to enjoy the fabulous food.

A few nice details:

The sun emerged a couple of hours after clouds and rain just in time for the event.

Robert’s cousin walked me down the aisle.

My brother-in-law, despite recent, serious health issues, managed to take an impeccable video of the ceremony and edit it to perfection.

My new, wonderful daughter-in-law had a pin made for me to wear on my wristlet:

My daughter-in-law loves Ted Lasso. We had a life-size version of him standing by the bar.

The cake-toppers were whimsical and unique: a cup of coffee and a bagel. The newlyweds met on a dating site called, Coffee Meets Bagel.

The flowers were divine. This is a “toffee” rose.

The officiant made the ceremony meaningful and memorable.

There were about one hundred and fifty guests and no one got Covid. Except the groom, who, likely contracted it at the barber shop the week before. The bride never got it. We all had our latest, variant booster. Go figure.

On and on. The time flew, it caught up to all the days leading to the big day, stopping briefly for the celebration and then ramping up again. The baton has been passed to the next generation. I am still attempting to process it all.

And then, there was the Facetime call from “the home.” I showed Robert photos using my phone-to-computer methodology, I shared the video, I talked and talked, I asked questions. I took notes. Some highlights:

S: Evan got married!

R: YAY! (He SMILED!)

S: Evan, made a speech about how you taught him that if you take care of the earth, it will take care of you. And that is why the sun was shining.

R: I’ll take that as a compliment.

S: The ceremony took place in a garden in a gazebo.

R: I was just going to say that’s the gazebo.

S: Your cousin Rob came in from Brooklyn and walked me down the aisle. He had to leave a little early in order to get home and catch a flight to El Paso. He’s playing with the El Paso symphony orchestra.

R: I didn’t even know El paso had a symphony orchestra!

We watched on the video how one of the little children bearing flowers ran down the aisle—in the wrong direction.

R: At two years old I probably wouldn’t know what to do either.

I said something, I didn’t write down. He said …

R: No, but you are jogging my memory.

S: There were one hundred and fifty guests…look how happy E & C look.

R: He does look happy … nice picture … that’s a great one.

I showed him the photo button.

S: Who is that?

R: ME! That’s a good shot …

Who is that?

S: So what do you think of all of this?

R: Sorry I missed it but I was comfortable on my pillow.

I’m doing very well on my pillow.

S: Do you remember the bride’s name?

(He didn’t. But when I prompted with her first name, he could recall her last name)

S: Do you remember how many guests there were?

R: One hundred-fifty. Sorry I missed it.

S: Maybe next time I’ll show you more photos.

R: Maybe I’ll even remember a name or two. I’m still comfy on my pillow.

S: Who did Evan marry again?

R: I didn’t know there was going to be a quiz or a test.

(I prompted with her last name and he got it.)

R: And you have survived as most beautiful woman there(!) He smiled and kissed.

It was time to go, his iPad was at the end of its charge.

S: Goodbye until next time. Bye, Rob. (The aide nearby said, “She’s saying goodbye, what do YOU say?”

He thought for a few seconds and then

R: Bye dearest love.

 

 

📌The series starts here:
Part 1: And The Band Played On … a mother’s life, a daughter’s journey

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