409. My mother, my child; a Grundig radio and a Singer sewing machine
I’m back…too tired to talk…got a lot done but it was endless running and I didn’t even have that much time to spend with my mother as so much had to be done and resolved.
First as you know, before I even went down, mother’s money was stolen. The next day her clothes were missing (they were found after I screamed). The last straw was Sunday morning before 8 a.m. when the phone rang (I was just getting up after not having slept for 3 days and a nurse told me of a mishap: my mother’s partial dentures were tossed out with the food tray. ($3,000?) So in between meeting with lawyers, running back and forth to her home and her rehab, visiting assisted living for the future, I had to find a dentist who would go to her bedside to take a new impression.
My mother is very fragile, about 85 pounds, and so with the tooth issue, she can’t eat. And no one there is smart enough to make her some kind of nutritious smoothie drink.
She was evaluated for assisted living and needs the almost the highest level of assistance; she cannot ambulate unassisted and has other issues. AND being that rehab can discharge her at any time because her policy doesn’t cover her for more than 14 days. (even with a copay kicking in on the 15th day they throw you out).
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Her old place looks deserted. These are the stairs she has been climbing all these years. No way she can do that anymore. I couldn’t stand the way this place looks like an army barracks.
There is no way she can return to her old place which is a flight up and doesn’t have an elevator. Now that I have been in it and have observed, I am horrified at the condition of the appliances, saddened by how much she tried to do but couldn’t, upset by the fact that she was too tired to cook and stopped eating, thus probably was in a weakened state. My ignorance was bliss and now I am paying for it–emotionally. She didn’t want to complain. I packed some of her clothes in her old suitcase to bring to rehab. They looked like a child’s wardrobe. Tiny, so tiny. Her closet was organized by color. The black pants, the beige pants, the white pants. The tops to match, or mix. The little size 5 shoes that had to accommodate her bunions. The dusty 1950s brass and glass little handbag from Aunt Sarah on the top shelf. Everything neat and in order in the drawers. I started throwing things in cartons. It was hot, I was tired, it was just too much. Husband was going through the papers, old income tax files neatly labeled and annotated. The bank statements also, in order, notes attached; talked to a doctor, attach a note. She was a secretary and one of the best there was. The electric typewriter was on her desk. What did she need this for? I answered my own question when I opened a folder. She was still writing business letters, still corresponding the way she knew best.
I admired how uncluttered her place was, though now it is worn. Looking at photos, I wasn’t sure if my mother was once really the person smiling, youthful, and vibrant.
Things will now change: we plunked down the money for a wonderful place in assisted living and she’ll have a lake view.
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I believe that in a strange way, this was all for the best. It was a wake-up call for me and anyone who wants to listen. This lousy event has put a lot of preparedness for the future in motion–as long as my mom’s future is, as she is now 91, I hope she pulls out of this phase and can enjoy her final years in comfort.
In going through “things,” I found the old Grundig radio from my childhood. It was the source of music and adventure. Its buttons were like the piano keys I always wanted to play. It could drag in shortwave stations from around the world.
Brings me back to my writing.
I mentioned in some poems that my mother loved to sing, and that she did, along with the tunes on the Grundig. Dusting, and singing Kismet.
Remember the poem that mentioned the yellow dress mom made for me? I found the sewing machine from the ’50s.
She still had it. A metal Singer with all its twisty dials and bobbins.
(Photo to follow, it’s in my son’s camera.)
And so, I visited my mother as well as my life. I didn’t grow up in Florida, I have no attachment to it or her current place. I know it’s time to move on. I know this is the final journey. It’s exciting; an ending and a new beginning.
Mom signing the Power of Attorney papers; the lawyer came to her bedside.She was upset because of her teeth and not being able to get her hair done.(Finally got it done today)
When we returned to the hotel that evening, a small, thin, black cat, ran to me from under a car and howled. We had seen it before and had brought about 2 ounces of turkey from my son’s sandwich which I fed to her in tiny pieces. The little cat was just a kitten herself and we were told she had her second litter and was undoubtedly hungry. She knows enough to yowl at the hotel door and the security guard feeds her. So do the guests.
Survival of the fittest.
The cat.
My mom.
Each day mom and I have this conversation:
“Is there anything I have to worry about?”
“Ma, you don’t have to worry.”
“I don’t have to worry?”
“No, Ma, you don’t have to worry. Everything is being taken care of–no more bill paying, cooking, cleaning. It’s the end of that.”
“I don’t have to worry.”
Now the roles are officially reversed. I do the worrying.
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greenwytch wrote on Sep 2, ’09
what a very poignant story. goddess bless us all. HUGS
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philsgal7759 wrote on Sep 2, ’09
As usual you have transported me to another place and time
Hugs and prayers for you and your Mom |
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recoveringteacher wrote on Sep 2, ’09
I’m sorry to hear the troubles your mother has had at rehab. My dad went through rehab after his stroke and I have nothing but praise for the facility. Sadly, not all of them are as good. I hope things go better with the assisted living facility. I wish you, your mother, and the rest of your family well.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
recoveringteacher said
Hi Steve, I almost didn’t recognize you with your beak. 🙂 (I too am a recovering teacher)
I am hoping for the best. It was some of the toughest most stressful days I have lived through. Thank goodness she has her faculties, but I feel like I am losing mine. 🙁 I am sure there is a poem here, letting the dust settle and then it will surface. |
I’m sorry to hear the troubles your mother has had at rehab. My dad went through rehab after his stroke and I have nothing but praise for the facility. Sadly, not all of them are as good. I hope things go better with the assisted living facility. I wish you, your mother, and the rest of your family well. 
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
greenwytch said
It is kind of poingnant, I think, touching, a turning point. There’s still a lot of life in mom so I think she will recover and hopefully regain her independence.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
sousonne said
Thanks, Sous. I am still digesting the last 2 weeks. I am seeing how this accident was a wake up call to get things going. I am also beginning to feel the doctor who prescribed her bladder infection meds did NOT take into account that she only weighed 85 pounds and caused this mess. I am feeling litigious.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
philsgal7759 said
Thanks for coming to that other place and time with me. It has been a strange journey and it has helped me appreciate that it could have been much worse and there is hope and SHE IS STILL HERE.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
pestep55 said
Thanks Pat-I know it is a big relief to her. It’s horrendous being in a hospital, but being there alone is the worst.
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astranavigo08 wrote on Sep 2, ’09
“Now the roles are reversed.”Good on you, hon.(I have a radio just like the Grundig, BTW. Still works like it should.) (HUGS) |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
astranavigo08 said
Good on you, hon. (I have a radio just like the Grundig, BTW. Still works like it should.) (HUGS)
Bro-
Ma says hello! Hopefully she’ll be sprung and may at sometime want to make a brisket. But she no longer will have to cook. Lucky… Hey, I remember we are Grundigites. We plugged it in but it didn’t work. Do you think I should look into selling it on ebay or something? hugs & hugs back |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
astranavigo08 said
Good on you, hon. (I have a radio just like the Grundig, BTW. Still works like it should.) (HUGS)
Bro-
Ma says hello! Hopefully she’ll be sprung and may at sometime want to make a brisket. But she no longer will have to cook. Lucky… Hey, I remember we are Grundigites. We plugged it in but it didn’t work. Do you think I should look into selling it on ebay or something? hugs & hugs back |
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millimusings wrote on Sep 2, ’09
Hi Sue, After all is said and done may I say that your mother is an inspiration? Of course things came apart for her as they do over time but she is still here and still wishing to look her best and be at her best. That is so spunky and you can tell her so from me. She did need your help and now that you and your family have answered the call I sincerely pray that she has the comfort and respect and Love that she so dearly deserves. God Bless Mum and God Bless You Too. She has raised a wonderful and caring family. What an inspiring post.
Hugs From Milli. xo |
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tulipsinspring wrote on Sep 2, ’09
(((Hugs))) I understand all too well. I hope the transition goes well and that she continues to feel better.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
millimusings said
Hi, dear Mill, thank you. Yes I think she is an inspiration as well. She’s very much intact intellectually and still has her sense of humor. Thanks for the beautiful wishes. We don’t envision ourselves getting so old, we don’t like to think about it, but it comes and surprises us. Dignity is the word.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
tulipsinspring said
So there you be my Tulips, so happy to see you, and hugs back and many thanks.
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lauritasita wrote on Sep 2, ’09
I’m not sure if I remember that photo on top, but I think it’s beautiful. Glad everything turned out ok.
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Jeepers, your words have once again made my eyes leak all over my keyboard. You write with such passion that you do indeed sweep your readers on the journey with you. I’m predicting your mom will be hopping around much faster than you might think. After all, she raised you right?
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madisonpooface wrote on Sep 2, ’09
At a certain time in life that is what we (the children) are there for, to do the worrying. I hope you Mom is able to enjoy the new place you have for her and be able to have a nice rest and remember her life.
All my best to you other Sue. I know what you are going through. |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
vickieann said
I am touched that you are touched, Vickie. I try to be objective and not sappy but the pathos comes through probably because we all go through this in one way or another and it’s so damn sad, especially when it’s a parent. They’ve got her working out in physical therapy and she is exhausted because she is not eating enough. But walking builds bone so it’s important. We all have to remember to get up and pound the pavement.
Thank you, Vickie. |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 2, ’09
madisonpooface said
Hi, Other Susan,
I hope she will enjoy it too, We don’t know when they will spring her, but I do hope she’ll settle in. They are putting her in a model apt first until we can set up hers. I have a friend in Fla who is going to shop for me and get some lovely new stuff. A serendipitous event. She just moved down to Fla. Thanks for your support and love. |
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caffeinatedjo wrote on Sep 3, ’09
sanssouciblogs said
Hugs, Sue. No words of wisdom from me, just hugs.
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catfishred wrote on Sep 3, ’09
Tears, tears and more tears followed by anger and then relief – all because of your mother’s condition as you write it – the lack of dignity that comes on with the final years. You are a beautiful daughter. In that way, despite all the tragic neglect, your mother is very lucky. You are also an enriched writer with a hugely aware and wonderful soul. These ‘wake up’ calls are so enlightening. xoxo
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forouzandeh wrote on Sep 3, ’09
I think I understand what your mother was doing. I have no way to care for myself, nor anyone to assist me. At my young age of nearly 62, I have been reflecting daily on the fact that I need to put order to the few things I have left and get my life in order so that when my day comes no one will have to have a mess on their hands .. though my life consists of living in one little room. This month I have to pay my small amount of rent a few days late. I have no health care, so I can’t get whatever is going on that prevents me from working full time taken care of. I can’t afford to eat properly and I sure could use teeth. So I sit here and weep .. for many reasons .. because I can relate to your mother’s need for independence and the “worry” that we don’t wish to share with others ~ the waking up each day with no “purpose” left in our lives ~ and I type reports of people in Brooklyn who must be going through the same thing.I weep because my mother didn’t let me know she was ill ~ I found out 3 weeks before she died, and I was here .. she was in Florida at home with family, but that’s how she wanted it to be. I weep, because I see a beautiful daughter who was able to and did take care of her mother’s needs and gave her what she so deserved at the end of her life ~ a beautiful view and the peace of not having to worry any longer. She looks beautiful ~ and I am grateful to hear this beautiful, though exhausting time of your life. Thank you for sharing it. I know of one more soul on this earth who is loved and when her time is due, will go out in peace and with dignity.
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velvet3000 wrote on Sep 3, ’09
Dear Sue. I’m so glad I came over here to Multiply right now to read you. And again I say – now it’s my turn to say to you – your writing so brilliantly conveys what you also are going through at the moment – I’m so glad at least for the power of this. Made me cry again too. And again, our continuing wishes to your dear Mum, to you, all my love to you both, to you all. Dear Sue.
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velvet3000 wrote on Sep 3, ’09, edited on Sep 3, ’09
PS. I adore that first photo of you two.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
caffeinatedjo said
Jo, I can use all I can get! I’ll take them!
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
catfishred said
I am touched that you were touched, Sher- I think that once I digest all that I experienced and my protective covering wears down, I will be tearful and may not be able to stop. I keep telling myself that she didn’t die, she’s still here and pretty much intact, so I do so hope that what follows will be happy. She said she wanted new furnishings and to start her life fresh!
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
forouzandeh said
I weep because my mother didn’t let me know she was ill ~ I found out 3 weeks before she died, and I was here .. she was in Florida at home with family, but that’s how she wanted it to be. I weep, because I see a beautiful daughter who was able to and did take care of her mother’s needs and gave her what she so deserved at the end of her life ~ a beautiful view and the peace of not having to worry any longer. She looks beautiful ~ and I am grateful to hear this beautiful, though exhausting time of your life. Thank you for sharing it. I know of one more soul on this earth who is loved and when her time is due, will go out in peace and with dignity. Ruthie, I send many hugs! Again, I am almost surprised that this touched so many people, and it appears that we are all in the universal boat of passing or receiving the baton. I am mortified that a young woman (very young) such as yourself is in this situation and I feel that somewhere there is assistance. There must be.
Maybe we should all write to the White House? |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
velvet3000 said
Oh, I love it too! It’s so sweet, isn’t it?
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
velvet3000 said
Lea, I am so glad you came over to share this. My contacts are so special and if Yahoo did anything, it was to help form a base of people who migrated together. Thank you!
My mother couldn’t stop expressing gratitude, over and over. She wouldn’t let us kiss her because she felt she wasn’t properly clean and didn’t wantt o transmit anything. Who cares? But had she let me hug her, I know I would have broken down. the more I read these comments, the close I am getting to the weepies. I can’t afford to start bawling, I still have so many calls to make! |
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
vickieann said
You are so right! In many ways!
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 3, ’09
col1967 said
Thanks, Col! That avatar makes my heart smile!
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knightstar wrote on Sep 4, ’09
It was always my contention that there really isn’t anything good about getting old. However, if you have family that cares for you–that’s a good thing.–M
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I’m so happy that you are pulling everything together and finding all these treasures along the way, sweet memories you offer to your mom in your visits and the way you are a preparing for her future in such a pretty place. I know you will indulge in some rejoicing with the time you can spend with your mother between the worrying. Strength and light still coming your way! -janeen
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 5, ’09
knightstar said
–M Hi, Guy! Thanks for coming Manfred. Golden years, right? Maybe in some cases. But I’ll be blogging soon about how happy she is, that should lighten us all up.
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sanssouciblogs wrote on Sep 5, ’09
fluffyj said
Janeen, things are finally falling into place and I must report I am so relieved and happy, more to come and thanks as always for your support.
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409. My mother, my child; a Grundig radio and a Singer sewing machine — No Comments
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