5. The Hangman and the Empress

His father told him,

“Christ, remember your faith.”

But he doesn’t remember what faith is,

so he turns inward,

like clockwork, again and again

his mind a captive of his fears, trying to figure it out.

He looks up, he knows what he has to do,

he’s done it many times before

and the clock has brought him to that place again;

He artfully climbs the cross, it’s easy!

and suspends himself upside down

and anchors one foot with rope.

Don’t ask how.  He knows. He needs to think,

this is his way,

so like he’s sent himself to the corner,

he dutifully goes.

He is the hangman of the tarot whose destiny

is self-sacrifice.

Mary, the Empress knows the drill.  She takes her place beneath the cross.

Rests her back against it; she’ll be there for a while.

While he hangs, and hangs, she sits and sits. 

She doesn’t need much, she is forever loyal.

(She thinks they are in a Samuel Beckett play; here we Godot again!*)

She offers him water, sustenance. Herself.

He never speaks. Doesn’t let on if he can hear her.

He stays stoic, unyielding, suspicious.  Burdened by

his mind that is too heavy to carry upright;

he feels better when it hangs down, is pendulous,

in hopes of getting grounded.

Mary looks up and says, finally,

“YOU are Christ—YOU are supposed to have faith in YOU.”

He can barely hear from the din of his blood flowing through his ears

and his heart pounding.

“All you have to do is UNTIE your foot.” she whispers.

The reference to Godot

*http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/beckett002.html

The poet speaks.

The poem was orignally “Christ and Mary Magdalene” but I didn’t want it to take on a religious overtone, although the theme of sacrifice is pervasive.

I was reluctant to post this poem, I have issues with it. I am not sure I like it. Maybe it’s the situation that I don’t like.

You’ve read many of my poems, this one is quite different. Not everything I write is obvious, so I’ll give you a little background.

I am a tarot reader; a situation in my life reminded me of tarot cards in the major arcana. The first 22 cards of the major arcana represent the journey a person takes from the first card, the Fool, the the 22^nd card, the World.  We are always learning and growing  and hopefully we make it to a point where we can say we have “arrived” and learned our life’s lessons.

Years ago I serendipitously met someone on the internet with a very different background than mine.  His last name is Christ.  (A hard act for any human to follow, and a very ironic name.) We became  long distance friends, and as his career is computers, he taught me many things.  We learned  from each other, as mutual mentors and supporters.

But emotionally, on his journey to growth, he has over time, proven to be stuck at the Hangman stage.  When you are hanging by your foot, you have the power and control to disengage yourself from self-sacrifice, however, this person  ceases to communicate and hence withdraws from the world, leaving everyone and everything.  It is a kind of passive aggressive behavior, and in this case, in addtion  a weak coping mechanism.  It happens over and over again.

In all stages of life we have the free-will and control to take responsibility for our actions.  It’s sad when a person does not make changes to be happy and emotionally healthy, when there is no desire or ability to un-stuck one’s self.

I think I have finally learned that I can’t save anyone. Except myself.

Silence is a tough animal to deal with.

The enigma is thus: What does silence say?

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