September 19, 2018
Yom Kippur
May you be inscribed in the book of life for a good year.
A healthy year.
A migraine-free year.
May the world settle down and find joy again.

On this Yom Kippur, the most solemn day of the year, many people fast. Pray for forgiveness, face their sins.
I don’t fast for several reasons, and when you are on meds or have a health condition you shouldn’t. Be that as it may, I popped an English muffin into the toaster oven and the bright light triggered an ocular migraine. I was distracted and didn’t catch it right away, but then when I focused in, there it was, the bright shimmering white spot and the growing black and gold zig-zags. The spot would grow for a half hour and ingest my vision. I would mark it reluctantly on the calendar, tick off another day of an episode. The last few months have been very uncomfortable with growing disequilibrium, in addition, totally intrusive and annoying. I have been experimenting with various oils and vapes, looking for the one that would make this condition a thing of the past. I keep some on the first floor and others in my office on the second floor within easy reach.

This morning I did my usual cat-feeding and paper-reading and was about to sit down with my coffee and that muffin. There was nothing unusual; in fact, it was the usual unpredictability that leaves me sitting there, with waning vision asking myself if I did something to cause it. As usual, there are no answers. Was it a med? A vitamin? Should I have eaten sooner? Not looked here, or there, or at …

I absolve myself of the sin of self-blame.

Years ago, when my friend Marion was deteriorating from cancer she confided in me: “I think it’s because I ate too much ice cream.”
This is how people with health issues can think, that they are the cause of their own victimization, They willed it or wished for it unconsciously, or sinned with Haagen Daz. This kind of thinking is useless and counterproductive.

So, I sat and closed my eyes looking in, at the familiar  bright light and designs taking over my vision, asking myself if it was too late to intervene and stop this, this brain spasm in the occipital lobe. One more episode to add to my collection of seven years-worth marked on piles of calendars.

I stood up.

I walked a couple of steps to the kitchen counter back to where I keep my downstairs stash. I had taken my dose of medical marijuana oil within the half hour preceding this “flash,” otherwise known as an aura. I took a vape from my Charlotte’s Web “pen.” The aura continued. I took another. I sat down. I took another and looked at my toasted muffin.

And then I realized: it stopped. IT STOPPED. The beginning of that ocular migraine ceased.

I closed one eye, then the other, looking internally for that bright light. Searching for a hidden remnant.

It was gone.

Charlotte’s Web is the oil that was given to little Charlotte who had seizure after seizure from epilepsy. When given the oil, the seizures stopped.

That’s what gave me the idea years ago to find the stuff. But, it was too early in the scheme of things, the country wasn’t ready yet,the neurologist brushed me off—the one I no longer go to.

And now that it is available, I believe this will be the answer. If not this oil, then another; if not this dose or method, then another.

I finally see the light, and it’s not in my head.

What a typical migraine aura looks like. A C-shaped dark form facing in the direction of its choice, replete with shimmering gold zig-zags.

Addendum: a couple of hours later the insidious blind spot sneaked into my line of vision signaling a counter-attack. When my brain is hell-bent on having an ocular episode, it will rear its ugly head no matter what the cost. I took Charlotte’s Web oil. The shimmering scotoma made its way into my line of vision and hid to one side. I made some lunch and while doing so, took a considerable number of vapes, my assumption being that the vape might only last a couple of hours in the bloodstream. I had a full-blown ocular migraine for about 30 minutes. Nothing could stop it. Perhaps this is telling me that the oil must be in my system. Now, to figure out the which and when.

The first of the series on CBD oil/medical marijuana, begins here.

The previous post is here

The next post is here