Last Sunday, my mother was visited by a nurse who was sent by her managed long term care company. The nurse observes, interviews and writes a report which when submitted to the care company can make or break a patient. This was the first time since the original interview that I was present. Several subsequent interviews over the last few years asked the same question and got the same response:

Have there been any changes: falls, hospitalizations?

No and no.

This time it was different. I have been asking the long term care company to fill in the blanks that were created by my mother’s out-lived, paid for, insurance, which provided her with two hours of help for dinner and bed time. My requests led to deaf ears. A fair hearing was lost due to a physician who was MIA for three months despite my faxes and phone calls, he never issued a report for the lawyer to present at the hearing.
I have been seeking help for eight months. I have been searching and calling and speaking to no avail. Here is your bottom line if you are elderly and under managed long term care:

Prevention doesn’t exist until something happens. The questions, “Have you fallen?,” “have you been in the hospital?,” and have there been any changes?,” are what might determine whether a patient gets more care. In other words, something has to happen to prove that one needs help. A broken this or that is very helpful, but a broken spirit or emotional need go unheeded.

I have spoken, I have told, I have described. The changes in my mother are likely due to aging. Her cognition is generally spot on, but she goes into periods of sadness, confusion, depression, irritability, mis-perception, and fear. Doesn’t count. She has called the police twice. Doesn’t matter. A person’s calling for help, asking for help, goes unheeded.

The fact that she has fallen and been in the hospital counts. Those events are tangible, on paper, documented. So, a nurse was sent out to write a report.

My mother stated that she was in pain from the fall; the side she fell on ached. She had difficulty comprehending the nurse’s foreign accent; it was fortuitous that I was present. as was her aide, who stayed past her own lunch time. My mother had to get up and walk for the nurse. Not an easy take without the help of her aide spotting her. Hearing my mother whimper like a child was awful.

What I see happening is that my mother is exhausted. By life; its cumulative effects and episodes, both positive and negative. She said again, that she is starving, always hungry, and that the food is miserable. I had brought her a load of foods to tempt her and although she enjoyed them didn’t want more. “I need protein!”

During the visit, as I observed the observer, I detected moments of surprise and horror on the face of the nurse. She wanted to know why my mother wasn’t getting more help. That makes two of us.

Isn’t age a factor? Doesn’t a ninety-nine year old person need assistance by virtue of age? Which leads me to ask: are the workers at these agencies given Brownie points for every hour of help they withhold? What in God’s name does it take to provide the elderly with adequate care? And, why doesn’t society have more respect for those who are in their final years?

I assume the report was written and submitted. Now is the test. What will come of it? Will my mother finally get the extra hours of help she needs?

This series starts here:
Part 1: And The Band Played On … a mother’s life, a daughter’s journey

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