248.→Husband Journey: Going
Just to tell you.
Robert is eating less than 50% of what is served, and sometimes nothing at all.
The facility wanted to send him to the ER for hospital admission for a feeding tube.
It ain’t gonna happen.
I told the nurse with a witness on the line: Do Not Resuscitate, Do Not Intubate. No feeding tubes going down the nose and into the stomach.
No.
No.
I repeat: NO.
He is on “compassionate care.” He is to be made comfortable. If he wants to eat, he eats. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to. Give fluids, antibiotics, vitamins. The body is speaking; a now 104 pound man could not endure a pounding to the chest to restart a motor that has run out of fuel.
I called MJHS, hospice. I loved the rabbi who visited my mother. He is going to visit Robert today.
I no longer need an appointment to visit and I can go up to the room. One person at a time. Just like my dear friend who is visiting her mom down the hall from Robert. The hall of tears.
To be with a person to the end of life is a mitzvah: a blessing. We do what we can.
The time is coming to let go.
So a little lesson: If you know someone who is going through this, hold the platitudes about going to a better place.
Cut out the “you-shoulds.” Don’t say you know how the caregiver feels: you don’t. Don’t ask a million questions. Never ask, “so what are you going to do now? What about in the future?”
I can tell you that I cannot make another executive decision. I have been juggling funds all week to start paying the nursing home an underestimate of $32,000.
The person who is dying is being taken care of. If it is too hard for you to call or visit, don’t. Please don’t say, “I don’t want to remember him/her that way,” it comes off as being selfish, makes the caregiver feel diminished, alone and terrified. Think it, don’t say it.
Support the caregiver.
Just be there.
Just listen.
Just be …
Just.
And, thank you to those very just people.
📌The series starts here:
Part 1: And The Band Played On … a mother’s life, a daughter’s journey
The previous post is here
The next post is here
Think of you often.
Much love and support.
From emails, messages and Facebook…
GOOD GIRL! It’s terrible what they do just because they can! Stick to your guns!
Love, ( & prayers for your continuing vigilance)
Cynthia
Dave Wise You are doing all you can do, and in the best of ways.
Stay strong!
Rosemary Aubrey Gamburg
So touching.
Diane Adler Monheit
Sending love ❤️
Marilyn Weinberg Rose
❤️
Liz Knoll Anderson
My heart goes out to you, Susan. 💜💜
Susan Anne Louer
Thinking of you!
Heather Blues
Sending love ❤️❤️ it’s a mitzvah..beautiful words ..
Elizabeth Pineiro
So touch hand❤️
Jeanette M. Detert
Prayers, for a peaceful walk across.
Sonia V. Reyes
I keep deleting my comments because I just want to say the rights words ❤️❤️
Madeline Alt-Barnes
Prayers and peace sent to you and your husband
Helaine Seelig Bernard
I’m thinking of you both with caring. Wishing you both peace.♥️
Nikki Blieden
Love you ❣️
Amy Lerer Blayne
Sue, I just read your post. We went thru this in February with my mom. Reading what you wrote is so on target. My sister sat with my mom for the few days of hospice. I couldn’t be there. It was not recommended because her home had a high covid rate. My sister and I face timed each day so I could see her.
I don’t want to intrude., just want you to know that I feel it. If you need someone who dealt with it, I am here. I can be an ear if you need it. That helped, having friends n who listen!!!
Penny Price
My love to you ❤️
Lynne Lourdes Lucena
Just sending hugs 🙏❤️
Pat Hartnett Stone
Hugs and prayers!
DebtheGardener Barragan
Blessings to you 🙏
Doreen Bosko
Oh Sue, reading that breaks my heart. I’m so sorry, I cant imagine how emotionally drained you must be by now. I wish I could give you a hug.
Do you want to try a go fund me for help with the uncovered expenses?
Claudine Teresa
Prayers and hugs going your way❣️🙏
Ellen Wood Dexter
Hugs
Candice Sirota
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Cheryl Diener Keller
Sending my love…
Donald Hamilton
Praying for you and your family Susan.🙏🙏🙏
Maria Pittelli-Gaudiosi
Sending love and prayers! 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️
Terri Zetoony- Bard
🙏🙏
Alan Stein
🙏🙏🙏
Jennifer Winsor Love
Wendy Masters
Sending love.💗
Suzanne Muller
Sending prayers and hugs to you, Susan!
Donna Haley
Hugs from a former caregiver ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Pep Pest
Stay strong
Nancy Kleinfeld
sending prayers and love.
if you need anything, let me know .
🙏🙏
Shelley Kennedy
You’re in my thoughts Susan. Big hugs.
Sharon Hershberg
Just, know that I am thinking of you
Sharon Shebar
Praying for you both
Lizbeth Hamlin
Surrender to love, which I know you will and do! 😢
Ellen Farina Argall
Sending hugs! 🥰🥰🥰 And love!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Nicole Dubinet Liedke
Praying for you both! ❤️🙏🏻
Inés Cabrera
My prayers are with you and Evan. You are an amazing human being. Love you my friend.🥰😘🙏🏼
Janeen Worrall
I love you, Susan
Maria Cristina Gonzalez
❤️
Meryl Sacks
Thinking of you at this difficult time ❤️
Cheri Simerly
Some days it must feel too hard to just breath. I can’t imagine your fatigue, worry and stress Susan. I pray that the supernatural calm of all understanding will envelope you and give you rest and peace. I think of you every day. Robert was an amazing man and your telling of his life and accomplishments has helped me to understand how much you loved him. I’m so sorry this is so painful for you now.
Isabel Maximo
You’re one courageous, strong person Susan Margulies Kalish. Sending lots of love and hugs ❤️
Barbara Schettini-Burton
Oh Susan my heart is with you and Robert. My joy is to say hello and goodbye to him as I pass his doorway. Taking liberty in doing so but it’s worth it.
Karen Morgan
Oh Susan I am sending love from across the pond 😘
Nigel Rudyard
I’m so sorry, Susan.
Lucie von Leyden
I want to envelop you in my arms and hug you. ❤️
B-k Rosales-Quismundo
Lots of love to both of you, Sue!
Sabrina Kende
Sending ❤️ & hugs.
Edie Dulman
Reflect on the moments well lived!
Jo Anne B
I have no words. Love and light to you and your husband.
Harriet Granfield
No words. Just support.
Claudia Johnson
SIGH!
Sukanya Kar
Mitzvah it is…to witness each other’s journeys, through presence, through words…through silence…from near, from far…
That image of you holding hands is now imprinted upon my soul. His finger on your pulse and yours on his. It’s everything.
We hold nothing, yet everything is held through us.
You’ve been an epitome of this paradox. Your deep wisdom and your deep love ~ both in service of life, including the parting. So fragile, so beautiful, so courageous…so alive and so inspiring.
Always holding you in my prayers, you, Robert and Evan ❤️
Phyllis Eisenson Anderson
Love and strength to you…♥️♥️
Barbara Lake
Sending you love ❤.
Sending you love, hugs and strength. 💜💜💜
Sue, I love you and if I can be of help in anyway, just say so!
Mitzvah it is…to witness each other’s journeys, through presence, through words…through silence…from near, from far…
That image of you holding hands is now imprinted upon my soul. His finger on your pulse and yours on his. It’s everything.
We hold nothing, yet everything is held through us.
You’ve been an epitome of this paradox. Your deep wisdom and your deep love ~ both in service of life, including the parting. So fragile, so beautiful, so courageous…so alive and so inspiring.
Always holding you in my prayers, you, Robert and Evan ❤️
Wise advice from such a strong woman. I send loving thoughts to you and Robert.
Sue ,all I can say I’m here for you@ if it means just holding your hand or just holding you,! Or just to be there to listen or just sit quietly I’m here for you. I’ll always be your 911
I agree 100%. That’s what I want for myself and for my near and dear. Bless you, Sue, and thanks for taking us step by step.
Your strength, your beautiful heart, and your profoundly deep love is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this journey.
You re one courageous, strong woman Susan. Lots of hugs and hugs for you.
I have walked this path. You are in my thoughts and prayers always–both of you. Sending love, strength and courage without end. Your love for Bob shines through and you are doing the very best that you can and continue to do. Hugs my friend. Love you always.
A most difficult time. All I can do is pray for you and Robert.
Sending all the love <3 and (((hugs))) needed for all of you.
You are so clear on what you need and don’t need. I hope people respect every single thing you are saying. I send you a lot of hugs.
Sending love and hugs to you, Robert, and Evan.
Thinking of you in this difficult time.
Love you❣️
Sending hugs
❤️ That’s all. We love you.
Sending love and support during this time of preparation for Robert and for you and your son! Blessings to you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️