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20. In Labor with Lassie

Cerebral Jukebox Magazine Posted on by

Lassie. The story of a dog and the boy who loved him.
How Lassie made me a nervous wreck.

It feels like I have been running and spinning since May; a full 4 months since picking the prodigal son up from college with his truck load of boxes and dirty laundry, until this weekend when we returned him to school his last year with a truckload of boxes and soon to be dirty laundry.It’s Labor Day, a day of rest for the worker who resumes his or her life of stress tomorrow, behind a desk, in an office, at a hospital, in front of a computer or a classroom, washing floors in an airport, slinging hash at a diner, waiting on customers from behind gleaming glass counters in fancy-schmancy boutiques.Back to making a living.

I am lucky, I have that part of my life behind me.I retired after 33 years of work in education, for a system that falls deeper and deeper into the realm of non-function every day. I would not be able to get up in the morning had I still been working.Not for that outfit.Not for that pay or loss of dignity.But I do miss the children.For teachers it was about children; for the system it was not. It was about teaching to tests, making it all look good, playing the game.I’m done.

I am lucky that I can sit here without the stress of the constant anxiety I felt every evening about  going to work the next day.Sundays were the worst.Where did that come from?

In the 1950’s at about 7:00 P.M. Lassie time, the television went on and we would hear the Lassie theme, the sad, lonely whistle; each week I would get a sick feeling in my gut.Lassie “the world’s most famous wonder dog, the beautiful collie that always got his owner, Jeff, then Timmy, out of jams.There was the crank phone hanging on the wall in the kitchen and whenever there was a problem, someone would wind it up, put the earpiece to an auricle, speak into the mouth piece and with overly clear articulation and raised volume, call Jenny, the operator.Grandpa would say, Hello, Jenny, get me Doc Weaver.In moments Doc would miraculously appear, carrying his bag, to save the day.7:00 P.M. eastern standard Lassie Time was the beginning of my angst.It was the Lassie whistling-schoolbell that indicated that I had to be someplace the next day school.It had elicited a Pavlovian response.First it was school, then work, and I wasn’t drooling to do either.

I no longer have to be anyplace in particular on Monday mornings. I just have to be. Labor Day signals a change in season. The first Monday in September, it honors all our workers and symbolically heralds the advance of Autumn, the season that no one is ever ready for. We hang onto summer until its last dying breath. There will be many more hot days between now and the official event of the Autumnal equinox around September 21, and even after. The heat offers an illusion that summer continues but I know the truth from the breeze, its direction, the change in temperature, the hint of chill, the curling of the perimeter of fading leaves, that things are coming that I will never be able to hide from: another birthday and Winter.

I am known to be the kind of person who gets anxious from change.I’ve never embraced major changes, I am limited in my adventurous spirit, I like a certain amount of predictability. I don’t let go of anything or anyone easily.

So why am I feeling uneasy? Why is there some anxiety welling up from my gut? The prodigal son is safe, back at school, not even realizing these are the best years of his life.In order to make that realization, you must lose the best years of your life to the passage of time, and then look back nostalgically.Call them  the good old days. He has a way to go.

Is it that the anniversary of 9/11 approaching and that makes me anxious?

Is it that the anniversary of major cancer surgery is approaching?Am I worrying about my 89 year old mom who is alone?Is it that my husband will be working 6 days/week to pay for the prodigal son’s tuition, and that the house will be totally quiet? I never minded that before.I loved it.

Suddenly I feel overwhelmed. I am looking at an endless row of things I want to do.I am between opposing mirrors that are reflecting me and my endless rows ad infinitum into eternity.I worry that the endless rows of wants do not fit into the parameters of time.

I worry that I lost the good old days.That Lassie retired, Doc Weaver went to Florida, and Jenny now sits at a computer wired with a fiber optic cable.

Labor Day is supposed to be a day of rest. I wish I could stop working so hard.

I feel something in the northeast breeze, I feel that something is coming, something different that will change me. Hopefully for the better.

Comments

(17 total) Post a Comment

i can’t say i’m terribly good with change, either, but i do look forward to autumn finally arriving. i just wish that it lasted longer. and i understand what you’re feeling, i think. even good change can be a little scary.

Monday September 3, 2007 – 05:08pm (EDT) Remove Comment

There seems to be a restlessness in the air, and with it a sense of anxiety. Tomorrow is always such mystery – an exciting and frightening unknown. I prefer to peer into that yet-to-be-revealed void with a sense of expectancy. Let’s watch it unfold together!

Monday September 3, 2007 – 04:41pm (CDT) Remove Comment

Since my head injury almost 6 years ago I have learned that free floating anxiety can come out of left field at any time and without reasons. And those with CBT are not the only ones familiar with this form of panic. I find if I just take a deep breath and acknowledge it then it lessens. No telling when it will be back but it is generally without foundation.

Monday September 3, 2007 – 04:26pm (MDT) Remove Comment

hi my friend…take a very long, deep breath and exhale…again this time slowly. Be peaceful, think peace…peace, enjoy this time in your life. Everything will work out even with life’s mishaps…things seem to work themselves out. You know for me…i think ‘peace’…stay peaceful w/whatever is going on. Take care of you sweet friend…take care of you…..to better be able to help others too.

Monday September 3, 2007 – 09:38pm (EDT) Remove Comment

Glad you are back and back to blogging….this was another thought provoking good one. I, too, am an educator. Love my kids, love my job…..don’t love the ‘background’ stuff. Thank goodness, being in Special Education(severely handicap), I don’t have to “teach to the test”…..this year anyway!!! Ahhhh…the good ole ‘Lassie Days’….to be so simple and carefree…….I’m sure we can find that simplicity with the passage of time…just hold on tight to the memories…..and strive for that inner peace!!!

Monday September 3, 2007 – 07:33pm (PDT) Remove Comment

I think life is very stressful nowadays for everybody. A teacher of mine believed that there is actually a physiological addiction to stress, so to speak. To the cortisol and adrenaline rush. I think we are conditioned to live in a hurricane-speed way. I try to enjoy my peace when I actually have it. Did you ever see a movie called “What the Bleep Do We Know?”. I loved it. It is actually a documentary. It includes sort-of the story of someone, but as an example of what they are saying all along. I hope it will pass. Maybe it’s just that you’ve had to sped up these last days and sort of haven’t unwinded yet? Only you can know.

Monday September 3, 2007 – 09:34pm (CDT) Remove Comment

Loved the writing.  When I see anything related to “Lassie” (Pavlovian Lassie), for sure I’ll remember you.   Hugs!   🙂

Monday September 3, 2007 – 09:35pm (CDT) Remove Comment

Thank you for sharing some of your deep feelings and doubts..I believe to some extent we can all identify with your concerns..I find just using the computer and being on 360 has its problems and stresses..it seems to me to be such a convenient way of neglecting and escaping from the frustrations of the outside world that I now find I simply have transferred all my unsolved problems to my computer life..I am incline to believe our conscious mind will by its nature focus on problems regardless of their size or importance~~Papa

Monday September 3, 2007 – 07:45pm (PDT) Remove Comment

Can you be more specific about the “coming” that you are feeling?…You talk of Lassie and that anxiety,and of being a kid at the time, and of not looking forward to school as a kid or as an educator. Everything you have mentioned had a short time span. The length of the Lassie show was 30 minutes or less and a solution was found or a person saved, Sunday to Monday passes, you are no longer a kid or a teacher in a system you did not like. So, what does your “coming” feel like?

Monday September 3, 2007 – 09:51pm (CDT) Remove Comment

Interesting that are writing about this. It’s the very thing I’ve felt for a long time. I just tell people – something is going to happen soon. I just feel it. Can’t say what, but it’s related to all the stuff that’s going on in the world. Things just seem off kilter. Can’t explain it – just feel it. Otherwise I could just blame it on menopause. lol Good luck my friend – take a deep breath and put it on paper!

Monday September 3, 2007 – 11:23pm (EDT) Remove Comment

First of all, well done for putting in the time in education and getting the heck outta dodge. Now..after periods of intense “business” (which I have just been through) I find that I often feel this angst about what will come next. Should I embark on more business,take on new projects?? I have found that if I just embrace this lull in life and be still for a while it feels quite nice. Odd thing this business of life..for me the real moments of growth happen only when I allow myself intentional stillness to think about the next path to take. So,my friend, grab a cup of coffee in the am,enjoy your accomplishments and just perhaps you will find some real satisfaction in knowing that it will all work out fine..as it always seems to,doesn’t it?

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 01:48am (EDT) Remove Comment

i hope that whatever changes are coming up are positive ones for you. i used to watch lassie on the telly too. i had to hide behind our lounge room curtains because it scraed me so, but i would never let mum turn off the tv.

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 05:57pm (EST) Remove Comment

Thank you dear friends for your Labor day support!

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 07:23am (EDT) Remove Comment

Although most of my teaching was Preschool I can still relate . I remember when Preschool and nursery school werec synonymous. While learning took place Kindergarten readiness   was not something you concerned yourself with. We were not trying to teaching reading writing and arithmetic to 3’s and 4’s back in the day. it was enough if they could dress themselves get through the day without a toileting accident use a tissue clean up their toys and get along with their playmates. we traded the self help and social skills for the academics and what did we gain? Metal Detectors Courses on bullying and kids who think they are the center of the universe, because heaven forbid a teacher tells them NO!! well news flash to whomever Life does not resemble a Burger King ya can’t always HAVE IT YOUR WAY GRRRRRRR!! So I too am in that state of flux. I trained for and have taught kids on and off for over 25 years. And like you I love the kids but have had it with the “system” Someone help I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up LOL

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 08:44pm (EDT) Remove Comment

And yes I hope you find what you are looking for

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 08:46pm (EDT) Remove Comment

I remember a Sunday-night news program my father used to watch, which had the same effect on me. To this day, I struggle with stress on Sunday nights. As Monday ends, and it is never as bad as I think it would be, I always find myself wondering why I got so worked up. You’ve had a lot going on, and it’s normal, I think, when the stress quiets down finally, to still feel its lingering effects. Give yourself time, get some rest, and focus on things that make you happy. I think you will find that stress will pass. Big hugs my friend. And remember you have friends supporting you too! I hope whatever change is coming is a happy one too.

Tuesday September 4, 2007 – 11:15pm (EDT) Remove Comment

I was a very anxious young child and turned into an even more anxious adult.  I remember as a kid my worry time was bath time every night. As soon as I would get into the warm water all I could do would wonder what would happen the next day and if the teacher would be in a good mood. Now I take a bath to calm down but sometimes it takes me back to that time. I hope whatever is worrying you passes soon.

Wednesday September 5, 2007 – 09:18pm (EDT)

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