Author Archives: Sans Souci

186. Mother-Daughter Journey: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

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  Several days have passed since my last post. Two days ago I received a call from the case manager of the long term care company. She had gotten a call from the company that assigns the aides to my mother. My mother is not sleeping, hence neither are the aides. The care manager wanted me to go back and petition the company to review their decision of not splitting the shift” My mother needs someone to be up with her at night, the twenty-four hour decision is essential but not addressing all the needs of everyone involved. I have … Continue reading →

185. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Stove is On

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  Sunday, May 31, 2020 An attempted conversation with my mother. Her speech was slurred and labored; She expressed that she wasn’t being fed; That she saw something in the kitchen area that was glowing so she crawled to it to prevent a fire. From her chair. To my knowledge, she hasn’t been sitting in her chair, and I am not sure she can get to it. And there is nothing “glowing” in the kitchen; That the aide (#2,Judy) was mean to her, that I should report her, get a new aide; On and on. Let me talk to Judy. … Continue reading →

184. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Hostage

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Good morning. As tired as I am having been up since about 3:00 am, my wheels were turning and so were my mother’s. To fill you in, yesterday was quiet, and I stepped out of my comfort zone to contact the aide and learn the latest: My mother has a voracious appetite and is eating and eating. She is likely now under eighty pounds and maybe making up for the weeks she was ill. Or, Is that due to meds? Or has she been burning up all of her energy from so much self-induced agitation? She was up all night, … Continue reading →

183. Mother-Daughter Journey: On Pipes and Wires and Birds

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5/25/20 A pipe broke under the sink and we had no real kitchen access for a couple of days; these things always seem to happen on a holiday weekend. Some people say that when there is a broken pipe and a flood, it is due to all the negative energy in the environment. There may be some truth to that. Just has the plumber completed the changing of pipes, just as he left, wearing his mask, having done a good job, just as he left and I was going to eat breakfast and get the kitchen back in order, you … Continue reading →

182. Mother-Daughter Journey: Duty

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  Memorial Day, 2020 In honor of those who have served the country and who still do. In honor of those who serve others. In honor of those who were lost over the last few months. In honor of the elderly and who they once were.   This is a post of duty: I should be planting the tomatoes. I should be rewatching My Brilliant Friend. I should be calling a few of my brilliant friends. I should, I should, but I decided, I won’t should on myself. I don’t even feel like writing this post but I will, it … Continue reading →

181. Mother-Daughter Journey: Just Somebody That I Used to Know

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…That I used to know… I walked to the local market to pick up a few things, wearing a mask, carrying a tote with wipes, gloves. The world has changed. I wandered the store, picked up what I needed and got on a line that crept down an aisle toward check-out, a line formed by masked, evenly-spaced beads on a necklace. It was slow. Then, Goyte’s song came on: Just Somebody That I Used to Know. There I was grooving to it by the liquid soap, singing along, resonating with it. What the heck: I was wearing a mask like … Continue reading →

Homage to Hammer’s Dairy Restaurant

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    So many of our memories involve food and this one is no different. This is Steven Hammer, my classmate, a sweet little second grader with red hair. His dad was Bill Hammer, and the Hammer family owned Hammer’s, the dairy restaurant at 243 East 14th Street, off Second Avenue. I don’t think we were in any other classes together, having consulted my stack of class photos, but for some reason, I remember his face so clearly, a seven year old. It was 1955-1956. The class was taught by a wonderful teacher, Mrs. Marion Oppenheimer, who later left to … Continue reading →

180. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Same Old Song

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Well, friends, this is how it goes. Things are fine and then… I am happy to tell you that my mother has completed two weeks out of the hospital after having had the corona virus. Both of the best aides agreed to work and are living-in, one four days and one three days. The one with her today came for her shift yesterday. They watched old movies, (my mother allowed the television to be on, finally). And, my mother even ate a nice meal. It sounded like a great day! The aide was so pleased. I, however didn’t sleep well … Continue reading →

179. Mother-Daughter Journey: Recovery

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It gets you from head to toe Hello, again. I wanted to fill you in on what has been going on. I have been quiet, taking a long-needed break, during my mother’s new 24-hour care which began last Friday, with the second of two aide’s who had been sleeping in. I called a few times to check in and things seemed to be going fairly well. My mother’s physician reported that he had visited and that “she turned a corner.” The clergy from hospice called and reported that she was “very related.” I had two  lengthy, actual conversations with my … Continue reading →

Quarantine Pizza: Doh!

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My neighbor, Lily, has cooking in her genes and there is rarely a time I don’t smell something divine wafting from her house. She’s been sending over homemade pizza, and in this time of quarantine and pulling inward like turtles, I came across my memories from the early 1980s when I got my Cuisinart food processor and my therapy was  bread baking. So many years have passed since my hands were in dough, sticky and happy, fashioning loaves of my fave bread recipe for “Medieval herb bread.” How did I do it? Where were the recipes? I visited my cookbooks, … Continue reading →

178. Mother-Daughter Journey: Doublespeak

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  Yesterday proved to be one of those rollercoaster rides again; everything was fine until the phone rang at 4:45 PM with a call from the coordinator of the aides. “Your mother was approved for two days of service.” My first reaction was that she was approved for two days of service a week, which clearly made no sense. This woman needed to get the schedule in order and I guess the payroll, but this weirdness kept her hanging. So, as usual, and I still can’t figure out why, I had to play middle-woman again. I called the person in … Continue reading →

177. Mother-Daughter Journey: Pieces of the Puzzle

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After having received the twenty-four hour care verdict from the Care Manager: one person, live-in, I called for an appeal. I still felt that there should be two-twelve hour aides. I was told a live-in aide needs her own room. How could that work with my mother in a studio? I was worried about losing the two women who were working now. I was fearful of their possibly contracting the virus. I was anxious about of how they would deal with my mother who insists on living in the dark and who seems to wander between two worlds. I was … Continue reading →

176. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Movie Called “Death”

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  Last night I was emailed by the care manager of the agency that provides the New York State Medicaid that pays for the aides. When my mother was first brought back to NYC, we were, after months of research and paperwork, able to get her an aide for eight hours a day. This came about after months of private pay that drained a life savings, at $6-$8,000/month. It is one of the scariest things an elderly person and their family can go through. She had some subsequent falls and issues and after years, the provided hours went up to … Continue reading →

175. Mother-Daughter Journey: There’s No Place Like Home

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  My previous blog ended on a mortifying note; I never envisioned my mother in the throes of a sexual encounter, least not with my father, and it is an event that can leave one laughing and crying at the same time. I have thought my mother was near death many, many times in our lives. I am amazed at how strong she is and how she manages to sneak out of the grasp of the Grim Reaper over and over again. Somewhere in this series of blogs I have said that my mother’s motto was “life can turn on … Continue reading →

174. Mother-Daughter Journey: Angels in NYC

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This post was begun on Saturday night, April 25, 2020. This evening we ordered dinner in to support our local restaurants but I don’t know what I ate; I was too distracted and had a need to contact Candy, the aide, before she left for the night. Her working a 12 hour shift can’t be easy and after yesterday I wanted to know if things had calmed down. My mother sleeps a lot and sips a little of this  and that, certainly barely enough to sustain her, and yet she hangs on. Four o’clock was the witching hour, as it … Continue reading →

Evan Kalish in The Washington Post on the Postal Service

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  “We talked to Evan Kalish, who is one of the most renowned post office bloggers (yes, there is such a thing) in the country, having visited thousands of post offices, many in rural areas.” [the preceding blue link leads to another article with a reference to Evan. At present he has been to over 10,000 post offices, archived them, and is a historian for The University of California Berkeley where he works on The Living New Deal Project, archiving art and murals created during The New Deal which he finds on his travels.]   I will post a link … Continue reading →