Author Archives: Sans Souci

Green: the Background for Pushing-Up Daisies

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    Everyone around me was coughing and I have joined in. It’s that change-of-weather cold that hits when you’ve let down your guard and have been doing too much. Sometimes doing too much is the same as thinking too much. But that is nothing new. I feel like a fish out-of-water. I don’t have a computer, and won’t for a couple of weeks. I have my iPad in front of my sniffly face along with a keyboard, without which I’d never be able to function. My Mac was purchased in January 2012, a 2011 version, but it was always … Continue reading →

Another Trip Around The Sun

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  In the day, when mother’s of children were the mothers. When children of mothers were the children. When children of mothers weren’t their mothers; when the world hadn’t been flipped on its head. In the simple organization of days, time never passed. All it takes to be that child again is thought.    

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Sunday Sundries: Articles That Called to Me

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Articles that have crossed my path that I would like to share …   From The Atlantic: On relationships, dating, and the strange things that happen: A Catfishing With a Happy Ending: Emma Perrier was deceived by an older man on the internet—a hoax that turned into an unbelievable love story. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/10/hook-line-and-sinker/542748/   From The New York Times, a veritable book: Ireland Wanted to Forget. But the Dead Don’t Always Stay Buried. The Lost Children of Tuam by Dan Barry https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/10/28/world/europe/tuam-ireland-babies-children.html    

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NYC Photo Journal: A Visit To My Alma Mater, CCNY, “The Poor Man’s Harvard”

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  Looking across Convent Avenue towards Shepard Hall A visit during Open House New York (OHNY) (Alma Mater ) CCNY. Harlem, NYC https://www.ccny.cuny.edu/ https://www.ccny.cuny.edu/about/campusmap https://www.pointsmap.com/ccny/ I hadn’t been back since graduation in 1969. It is a very changed place. My observation: The North Campus has been gussied up and is shining. There was no Raymond the Pretzel Man. There is a fleet of vans poised to shuttle the masses from north to south: No running like a maniac for half a mile. The admin building is still standing. Remember how in the late ’60s we’d go in to pay the … Continue reading →

107. Mother-Daughter Journey: White Glove Service

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Welcome back and thank you for reading. My journey continues. A couple of days ago my mother had her twelve week retinal check-up and eye injection for macular degeneration. My mother is brought down by her aide in her wheel chair. She is wearing an old black jacket that covers a sparkly gold sweater. She is very particular about her appearance. She has her black slacks on and she wears her sandals-they are the only shoes that can accommodate her distorted feet. The bunions and reconfiguration of those toes are likely caused by the years she wore  pointy high heels. … Continue reading →

106. Mother-Daughter Journey: Angels Among Us?

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  On Tuesday I went to see my mother with a bag of food in hand: a challah, two potato knishes, two kasha knishes, a container of little meatballs and spaghetti and a large container of vegetable soup. She was thrilled. This is her soul food, and despite the fact that her meals are supplied by her residence, she felt a lot safer should she not abide by the daily menu.     I went through her mail: my plea to the VA was responded to, a denial of my request for more funds, but the door was not totally … Continue reading →

105. Mother-Daughter Journey: And the Answer Is …

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The purpose of this post is to catch you up on the continuing saga of weirdness which has been an unreal adventure to me. Last I spoke with you I related that my mother had had an accident and fell, was in the hospital a few days, released. A nurse from the Managed Long Term Care was sent to observe and complete a report; this was done. My feeling was that this was finally a turning point, that the accident and hospitalization would surely change the tide. I submitted a request to the case manager to review my mother’s need … Continue reading →

104. Mother-Daughter Journey: Through The Looking Glass

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The last we spoke, dear friend, I reported that I was at my mother’s;  a nurse had been sent over after my mother had an unfortunate accident leading to a fall and the nurse was sent to do an evaluation; she submitted her report. When I subsequently spoke to the case manager at the long term care, I learned that there is nothing subjective that occurs in the writing or interpretation of the nurse’s observation. We are dealing with a checklist. Remember I thought for sure that this was going to be a turning point, this fall and hospitalization? Not … Continue reading →

103: Mother-Daughter Journey: The Visit

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Last Sunday, my mother was visited by a nurse who was sent by her managed long term care company. The nurse observes, interviews and writes a report which when submitted to the care company can make or break a patient. This was the first time since the original interview that I was present. Several subsequent interviews over the last few years asked the same question and got the same response: Have there been any changes: falls, hospitalizations? No and no. This time it was different. I have been asking the long term care company to fill in the blanks that … Continue reading →

102: Mother-Daughter Journey: What is a Hate Crime?

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As one ages, synapses contort and connections get lost, communicate with the wrong neuron, or venture out on their own. What the hell⎯I am not a neurologist, but I am a gerontologist by observation and I find myself giving mini-lectures to the hundreds of people I connect with on the phone. “Where did you study?” they ask, in awe of what I tell them. “It’s a life lesson,” I reply. “I observe everything.” One does not need a degree to sense, to feel and comprehend. When one ages, as I have observed in my ninety-nine year old mother, things get … Continue reading →

101: Mother-Daughter Journey: After The Fall

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On Friday afternoon I received a call-back from a supervisor at the managed long term care to whom I had left a message. It seemed like weeks had gone by and I had given up hearing from her. In the meantime, I had contacted my assemblyman and a case worker for MYSELF. I was hoping for help and guidance but after chatting with someone in person  about my mother’s situation, and managed care, I realized I knew more than the case worker did. Getting back to the supervisor, she had changed my mother’s case management team as requested. I was … Continue reading →

Nostalgia: On Baby Ducklings and Rye Bread

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Near the corner of East 14th Street and Avenue B there was an entrance to a store that was recessed from the building line and had two pillars; the façade was covered in red and mirror mosaics, making the entrance a bit hidden from the rest of the store doorways, but it beckoned in its exoticism.   When I pulled the door open I was hit by the odor of sugar and bread. Bakery products were made in the store, not in some central commissary; the smell was magic and this was my version of a Proustian madeleine, evoking my … Continue reading →

100. Mother-Daughter Journey: Stuck

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  The elderly, those who are just plain OLD and not ill, can reach the age when their income (Social Security, pension, benefits, etc.) does not pay the rent, does not pay for expenses. AND, if  an aide is needed, and if the hours can’t be extended through “community medicaid” (so that one can age-in-place), you are on your own. Here is the bottom line: The aide, will cost a minimum of $600 more a month, out-of-pocket (likely from the pocket of the aging children of the elderly.) The choice will ultimately be a NURSING HOME, or more hours to … Continue reading →

99. Mother-Daughter Journey: A Blog For Each of Her Ninety-Nine Years

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When my mother was a young woman, I wonder how she imagined her future; I bet she thought that she would get married, have children. Did she think she would have two children?  Did she think she would have grandchildren? Did she imagine she would lose her husband years later in 1991? Did she think she would ever get old, and if so what did she think old age would be like? How old did she imagine she would live to? Would she ever imagine that she, the little girl who was always ill, would outlive her three siblings and … Continue reading →

98. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Theater of Managed Long Term Care

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[Managed Long Term Care: This is not private pay care; it is a system, eg., the state, that delivers services so that the chronically ill or disabled can stay in their homes] I keep thinking about yesterday, rolling the conversation over in my mind; as a result, I initially I went through hours of guilt. I feel, I perceive that I wasn’t a “good girl,” that I was  disrespectful, out-of-line, inappropriate. I was angry and frustrated. I had run out of ammo. I was assuming that the voice of reason would step in and smooth this all out, tell me … Continue reading →

97. Mother-Daughter Journey: I Got Nowhere, Aiming For The Heart

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Where to start? Being a care-taker goes far beyond dealing with the elderly. It’s about the agencies that can take a few pounds out of one’s hide. The one person who was kind and pleasant, the case manager, who we had for a few months, left. She said she was leaving me in “good hands.” Good hands that could knock the crap out of me. Victoria. Who would think such a regal name would be attached to such a person? She was supposed to put in a request for another hour of an aide for my mother; as of now, … Continue reading →

96. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Aide Needs an Aide

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      I came home from a lovely vacation and then I started to get vertigo, oculars, migraines; it was the old stuff …  It was preparation for my ninety-nine year old mother’s phone call. Pre-coffee. Here I am again. The aide didn’t show up, the “new aide” who has no training. My mother had no one to prepare her breakfast. Some of her meds were missing. She says they are being stolen. Her dinner delivery last night was incorrect. There is always something wrong with the delivery contents. Then came the REAL stream of complaints. On and on. … Continue reading →

95. Mother-Daughter Journey: Loss: On Parents and Pets

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  Need to tell you …   To all my loving sensitive friends who left me words of kindness, THANK YOU. I usually thank everyone individually, consider this to YOU. YOU are the ones who get that animals ARE members of the family, that they have tremendous impacts on us, that they are sentient, that they change our lives.   I have been going through the lousiest of times since January, mostly dealing with my mother’s needs and with my mother, now 99, who goes through cyclical periods of “delirium.”   The loss of my kitty helped me let loose: … Continue reading →