Category Archives: Blog

171. Mother-Daughter Journey: She Has Returned, Update and Info

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  Everything was orchestrated over the last twenty-four hours: the aides are in place, they received their protective gear. The main aide, who we call “Candy,” arrived at 9:00 am to meet with her supervising nurse. I allowed her access to the apartment so she could see what was going on: it was left a MESS by the previous aide. Candy started wiping things down and doing laundry. My mother arrived and cried with joy when she saw her main aide (who she has, on many occasions been verbally abusive to, but maybe that is part of the new normal: … Continue reading →

170. Mother-Daughter Journey: Order in Chaos

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  All of this jumping through hoops brings me full circle to the beginning of my mother’s story: A long road that began in Florida where she was living independently in an “assisted living;” a venue that began nicely and then melted down when the business was taken over, when management changed to a bunch of scuzz -buckets. Nothing could or would be fixed and the vents in my mother’s lovely apartment filled up with rats that would visit her kitchen at night and feast on what she could find; their tails would dangle from the vent grids. When they … Continue reading →

169. Mother-Daughter Journey: Do The Limbo Rock

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Good morning to all of my friends in Limbo-land, the land of fear, dread, darkness, confusion, and the Covid19 Virus. Everyday is Groundhog Day in Limbo-land. I am unable to get information directly from any professional but I have been calling in each day to patient relations. Date/rep 4/19 Erica 4/20 Susan/Caterina temp 97.9 97.16 pulse 76 46 # breaths 20 18 o2 level 93% given 2 liters 94% given 2 liters Blood Pressure 129/76 136/45 —> normal notes feeding assist, trying to move   I spoke to two people this morning who provide the statistics to ascertain that I … Continue reading →

168. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Waiting Game

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  4/18/20 I have notes and numbers and papers in boxes stacked in my office; all part of my mother’s caretaking and bill-paying over the last ten years. The stacks keep growing, filled with my dad’s army papers needed for VA benefits, all kinds of certificates and memorabilia, and bill after bill, number after number, document after document in folder after folder reflecting the hours, days, months and years I spent on the phone to get my mother the care she has needed, eventually bringing her back to NYC, into the apartment in a senior building about fifteen minutes away, … Continue reading →

167. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Day of Days

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4/16/20 Meanwhile, back at the war zone on this Day of Days, you will not believe this story. I had spoken to agencies all day trying to figure out a plan for my mother who seemed to be quickly on the way out: not able to eat, barely drinking and unintelligible. I called at least twenty people and got few call backs, upping my anxiety, because it dawned on me, my mother was going to be alone, she gets eleven hours of care, she is alone at night, she is in a severely weakened state, a fall risk and blind. … Continue reading →

166. Mother-Daughter Journey: Death Be Not Proud

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  I hadn’t spoken to my mother in a few days; I was too overwhelmed, too drained and too secure in the fantasy that she was improving. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference; had I kept calling each day I would have lapsed into a state of sadness. So let me do that now. Except to say that I feel nothing. I am standing on the edge of the cliff of depression, somewhere in a world that has changed so drastically that I don’t recognize it. Nor do I recognize myself. I see the tree outside my window. … Continue reading →

The Puzzler #36-ish: 4/13/2020 The New York Times

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  Go to WordPlay Command to a Base Runner “Evan Kalish opens the gates to another solving week.” Review and constructor notes. __________________________________________________________________________________________ Evan Kalish’s New York Times crossword—Jenni’s review is here The theme entries have progressively larger flows of water. New York Times, April 13, 2020, #0413, Evan Kalish, 21a [Kind of economics, disparagingly] is TRICKLE–DOWN. 26a [Make more aerodynamic] is STREAMLINE. 44a [Theatrical show featuring traditional Irish music] is RIVERDANCE. 50a [Ballpark illuminators] are FLOODLIGHTS. It’s a smooth, consistent theme, and the increase in size as we go down the grid is a lovely touch. I liked it! And then I saw 62a … Continue reading →

Celebrity Cyber-Seder Fund Raiser For Corona Virus Aid

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F A B U L O U S !!! Dayenu, already! MUST SEE! The celebrity lineup includes prominent actors, comedians and more, including New Jersey natives Livingston’s own Jason Alexander (“Seinfeld”) Sarah Silverman Trenton’s own Judith Light Dan Levy (“Schitt’s Creek”) Bette Midler Billy Porter (“Pose”) “Better Things” star Pamela Adlon Mayim Bialik (“The Big Bang Theory”) Beanie Feldstein (“Booksmart,” “Lady Bird”) Fran Drescher (“The Nanny,” “Indebted”) Trenton’s own Richard Kind Idina Menzel (“Frozen,” “Uncut Gems”) Debra Messing (“Will & Grace”) Nick Kroll (“Big Mouth”) New York Sen. Chuck Schumer Henry Winkler Rachel Brosnahan (“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) Skylar Astin … Continue reading →

165.Mother-Daughter Journey: Life Under the Cyber Sea

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My Scorpio-self has been living under the sea for a few weeks now. I was using a free solitaire app on my iPhone and when things are free one pays the price: I was baited, hook, line and sinker to download a “free” app for a game. Of course the bait had nothing to do with what I ended up with, and after each round I vowed never to play it again, in fact I deleted it from my phone, only to reinstall it the next day. And, not only is it on my phone, but I installed it on … Continue reading →

164. Mother-Daughter Journey: Does She or Doesn’t She?

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  Well, “the call” came this morning, but was it THE call? THE call would be the call from a sorry voice informing me that my 102 year-old mother was gone. But THIS call, albeit from my mother’s physician, was A call informing me that my mother “has a cough and no other symptoms.” I have been up many nights thinking that I heard the phone ring, anticipating the ring. I would hear words that I wouldn’t want to hear. “Your mother is gone. We found her at such and such a time. She was (fill in the blank) in … Continue reading →

Living in the Bizarro World

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  I can’t explain the feeling except to say that if you are a Seinfeld fan, you have surely seen the episodes about Bizarro Jerry. Folks, we are living in Bizarro-Jerry-Times: There are weird parallels; things seem to be normal but they are not. We are: Through The looking Glass, remakes of Frankenstein, the horror scene in The Birds where normalcy can peck you to death. The oddity is thus: what is normal, is no longer. A lot of it has to do with the season. Usually at the beginning of spring there is an “ahhhh” feeling of relief and … Continue reading →

163. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Plague Among Us

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 Victims of the Black Death being buried at Tournai, then part of the Netherlands, 1349. The Black Death was thought to have been an outbreak of the bubonic plague, which killed up to half the population of Europe. From the ‘Chronique et Annales de Gilles le Muisit’ Can you imagine the terror people felt in London in 1665 as the Bubonic Plague wiped out populations? It was a horrid, agonizing killer carried by rats, transferred to fleas which jumped to humans. The more crowded the area, the more death, and the crowded populace was poor. It abated somewhat in colder … Continue reading →

Vent and Rant. 3/24/20: On Mothers, Headaches and Masks

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This is a mélange of events that occurred on March 24, 2020. Part 1 This morning my son and I brought my (disabled) husband back to the surgeon who removed a cancer from his face two Wednesdays ago. This was the first appointment we could get to have the 52 stitches removed: he had to be seen by the plastic surgeon on staff at the Moh’s Surgery division. This is the place where I had the run-in with that disgusting patient who was spewing hate. (see this blog). I pulled on my vinyl gloves in the car, held on to … Continue reading →

Pink In A World of Gray

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Krauter Vesuvius plum Tree 2020 Every year I wait for this time: The pink buds are reassurance that winter had passed and sweeter times would arrive… But, winter never came. Getting back into the dirt, planting , flowers and the heady jasmine perfume, seem far, very far. I remember last year, I can’t imagine this year. Winter never came. An unexpected visitor did. Still, the joy of pink reappeared, defiant, earlier than normal, in the silence of the new days. With the reminder that nature will prevail.    

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162. Mother-Daughter Journey: Another War

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My mother lives in a residence for the elderly; it is pleasant enough with many activities and amenities, but she hasn’t left her apartment in years. Call it a kind of paranoia of the elderly but she has been sequestering herself, in fact she has kept her distance even in emotional ways for as long as I’ve known her. I had difficulty falling asleep last night due to my run-away thoughts. What if? What if? What if the aides who attend to her are carriers of the Corona Virus? Is this how my mother, now 102 years old, will reach … Continue reading →

161. Mother-Daughter Journey: Today is My Mother’s Birthday

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She is 102 years old. Living in a residence. She has the help of aides who travel on buses and subways. Think about that. She is cogent most of the time but has occasional bouts of old-age ideations, the typical paranoia and all that goes with it. She can be so “normal.” She can be so impossible. But, she is still here and she made it to another year. A year I never thought she would reach. She was born in the year of the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic. That means that her parents survived it as well as an … Continue reading →