Category Archives: Blog

On David Bowie, Mercury in Retrograde, and Vertigo

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  OK, kids, life has been strangely quiet on the mother-front. I think this Mercury in Retrograde has had the opposite effect of the usual; it sometimes brings issues to a head and aids in their solving. SO FAR the only electronic issues I have had were: 1. missing a phone call—a spam call came through while the museum restaurant was calling to offer a table, causing me to miss the call from the restaurant, and 2. one of my Verizon Fi-Os set top boxes got stuck in a flashing light loop indicating it missed an update and tech support … Continue reading →

132. Mother-Daughter Journey: Birthday

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 For my workshop … So many, if not most of my photos are of portraits/street; I didn’t want to be redundant and there was not much opportunity to get out. But, my mother’s birthday was coming on the 16th and I was hoping to have and create a memento of the day. She is not an easy subject; very much self involved with her appearance, cringed at the selfie I attempted with her, and eventually insisted on her “pose” which she said “they” taught her to do. Don’t ever argue with my mom. She knows everything.   So I snapped … Continue reading →

131. Mother-Daughter Journey: What Do You Want For Your 100th Birthday?

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My mother recently had her 100th birthday. What did she ask for? K N I S H E S  !! https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/what-is-a-knish Sometimes you just have to indulge in some gustatory nostalgia! A lesson about knishes.     Nearly A Century Of Gabila's Knishes "My grandmother made knishes in her kitchen and my grandfather took them out and put them on a pushcart and sold them on the streets of Manhattan."From humble beginnings nearly a hundred years ago rose Gabila's Knishes — a true New York food icon. Posted by Verizon FiOS1 – Restaurant Hunter on Friday, March 16, 2018   … Continue reading →

130. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

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  I spent many hours last week mopping up the usual spills. It was not an easy week, and in the process of dealing with the diversions, distractions and angst, I had not spoken to my mother. Strangely, I did not hear from her. Not one call. And, this is true for the last few weeks, a kind of silence prevailed as though, as if, it were practice for when my mother would no longer be here. I called earlier: she wanted to know how everyone was feeling, what was going on. There was interest. Not that she doesn’t ask … Continue reading →

129. Mother-Daughter Journey: Hold The Rhetoric: “I Am Here For You”

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I am learning …     Pardon me for sounding so very jaded but I think I have learned a lesson and perhaps I have learned it from my mother: don’t trust. I have always been the “trusting kind” and perhaps it is despite my mother’s very suspicious nature, however, she might have something there. From my last post: “Back to worry and desperation: I called the Entitlement Department again and was told they were ‘here for me.’ But, as much as they were here for me, the papers weren’t there for them-thar folks at the other agency. ” During the blizzard, when I had spoken … Continue reading →

128. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Things We Worry About …

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… and then they do! All was going well: my mother has been calm, the recertification papers were walked through by the long term care agency, and the; and then we picked up the mail at my mother’s. Mail, more mail, tons of mail. And guess what? There was a packet of mail from Medicaid stating that this, that and the other were missing and that the completed forms were deferred until March 11. Then there was another packet of forms, also indicating a deferral to March 11. It included data that had to be entered by a physician, releases, … Continue reading →

127. Mother-Daughter Journey: Do the Limbo Rock

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  Rain, snow, wind, the basement sump pumps going off. Good to be home, right? A nice, fresh treat of bagel and lox and cup of foamy coffee … I open my email and stop chewing. So, you know what’s going on with this re-certification stuff, the on-going nonsense one must put up with, that I am convinced never goes right because the “system” is overworked and couldn’t care if you end up in a loony bin trying to navigate it. More fodder for a blog post; I am documenting it all. The email that made me stop masticating in … Continue reading →

126. Mother-Daughter Journey: What, Me Worry?

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Back in post #123 I mentioned that my mother’s Medicaid re-certification papers were lost by the Managed Long Term Care. The “entitlement specialist” promised that she would “walk the papers through personally.” (It was her goof). I was relieved. I had a quiet two weeks without major technical issues and, in addition, my mother was very quiet, if not “normal” for her.  There were few issues to which she would have a manic reaction; not sure that manic is the correct word, maybe over-reaction would be a better word choice, but her behavior reminded me about how she was some … Continue reading →

Go With The Flow: S T R E A M I N G

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Up until very recently, I never had a taste of media streaming. Cold, fresh water was what streaming meant to me. Nature. Certainly not media. It seems that many folks are looking into cutting the cord and ditching cable companies. I get it: it took me years to cede to PAY for TV, and the “triple play,” and then you turn around and you are the puppet of the cable company. At least they threw in HBO (works for me) and Showtime (rarely watch it). The fact is there is less and less well-made stuff to watch. There are several “standards” … Continue reading →

125. Mother-Daughter Journey: Poetry: Bird Call

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©S.Kalish 2/22/18 This morning my eyes were pried open by my ears at 6:00 am, by a bird that sang in a tree loud and clear on a cold gray morning, singing a song I had never heard before. Yesterday was 78°. The bird had been fooled, the seasons had been spun around but no one notified the singer: It sang until 6:21. A younger friend of mine has been near-death in a hospital, not the first time, she has accident after accident but remains highly psychic, all-knowing, her energy is undefeatable, her body crumbles and her mind escapes: She … Continue reading →

124. Mother-Daughter Journey: Quiet

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It has been quiet. My mother has been quiet for days. I received a message from her on Saturday morning about something that needed follow-up. I didn’t return the call. In fact, I withdrew in silence; I needed the quiet, the space.  I couldn’t listen to any more complaints, I couldn’t deal with any more drama. I couldn’t. I just wanted some escape, some respite. But just when I thought there was some peace on earth, in the macro sense, Gaia got shaken to the core again, by another shooting. Today, I swallowed hard and called my mother; it had … Continue reading →

Poetry/Musings: Reversed Orphans

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February 16, 2018 I often go back to bed after I get up to feed the kitty. I pop a few pills of the supplement type and scan the news; it’s usually unbearable. Don’t ask me to go into details. All I can say is: we are fractured, splintered, broken, wounded, and living in the zone of battle, a zone we never thought we’d find, a zone of dis-ease. It makes me tired, too tired to begin another day. Although we are parents, our children are orphaned. Again, there are parents who have lost their children. Reverse-orphans, I call them. … Continue reading →

123. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Best Lesson

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  The problem with paperwork is … it gets lost. Usually because the person who asks for it is drowning under so much of it that they suffocate within it, hence, they never see it, until later, when an archaeological dig is requested. A phone call began my Monday morning: “I am sorry to tell you that we never received your mother’s re-certification papers.” I had a foot out of the door. I had an appointment. This is not something I wanted to hear, especially since all the necessary papers were faxed to the appropriate person at the beginning of November. … Continue reading →

122. Mother-Daughter Journey: The Roller Coaster of Care Giving

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If you think that looking at the above roller coaster clip is enough to make you ill, here is another one for you. I was all set to work on this new blog. I was going to tell you that I spoke with my mom late yesterday afternoon and she was so on target, so responsive and open and appeared to be processing information so well. I said to myself, “Self, we are now on a roll. It’s all good. It’s all normal. It was all a bad dream and we’ve awakened to a new day. We are healed!” I … Continue reading →

121. Mother-Daughter Journey: When the Connection is Lost

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My mother before a visit to the retinal specialist in October photo taken by one of the aides   I don’t know how to say this so I will just let the words fly; my mother is losing it. Each day a few more crumbs of her fall to imaginary birds, called “paranoia.”    This evening I brought over her rent and had to collect her mail. These are two very innocuous activities except when emotional interaction plays a part. My mother suffers, as you know, from partial blindness due to macular degeneration. She hasn’t had her eye injection in … Continue reading →