Category Archives: Blog

277→Husband Journey: Total Eclipse of the Heart

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  Though last weekend is behind me, I am still rattled. Not so much by what happened—or didn’t—to Robert, but by what happened, by what could happen, and how things are handled. I was in my Friday night position, around 9:00 PM, situated in front of the television, watching still another streaming show, (so far over 130) when the phone rang. The caller ID was that of the nursing home and it was way too late for the Covid-robo-call-update. Deep breath. Hello. I was informed that “everything is alright,” but…however…throw in the conjunction of your choice that will make you … Continue reading →

276→Husband Journey: Memorial Day

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Memorial Day May 30, 2022   It is a day of gratitude, of looking back, of memorializing. This day, forty-six years ago, Robert and I married. It was the second marriage for each of us: I was a widow, yes, at age twenty-six. He was divorced. It just happened that the Universe threw us together and there we were embarking on a new life, together. It turned out to be a life well-lived, filled with all New York City could offer. Filled with all the world could offer. Travel, exploration, good food, always good food. A great son. It went … Continue reading →

275→Husband Journey: Hand Jive

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Written: Tuesday, April 26, 2022 Today is the bicentennial-birthday of Frederick Law Olmsted, (April 26, 1822 – August 28, 1903), who is considered the Father of Landscape Architecture. When I first heard of him, it was through Robert. Olmsted designed Central Park, Riverside Drive, Riverside Park, Ft. Tryon Park, in Manhattan, Prospect Park in Brooklyn, Forest Park in Queens, Vanderbilt Mausoleum in Staten Island, Grand Army Plaza, Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn, and more, all in New York City: His legacy includes parks, buildings, campuses, cemeteries, public and private works, all over the country. In today’s The New York Times … Continue reading →

274→Husband Journey: On Disconnecting

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Written/Sunday, April 17, 2022 Today is Passover, overlayed with Easter and the end of Ramadan. You may have had several sedars, or said, “he is risen,” or ended your fasting. We are one. It is time to read. I have a story to tell. One recent morning when I was extremely down and trying to begin another day, my friend, Barbara B., sent me a link a podcast on BBC Radio. She recently had lost her mother, who, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, was in the same  nursing home as Robert, in fact, on the same floor. When … Continue reading →

273→Husband Journey: A Revisit to “Birthing at Bocuse”

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March 2022 Introduction to an edited, earlier post. This is the cover to a tin of biscuits, purchased at Paul Bocuse’s restaurant in Lyon, à l’Auberge du Pont de Collonges Paul Bocuse. during one of two visits made in the 1980s. In our current attempt to sort through Robert’s never ending collections stashed in the basement, I almost tossed this: I was in a passionate mood to divest, of exorcism of too many possessions, and then I thought, “wait a minute!” Everything I come across is an important, muse-like stimulation, a much needed and coveted reminder of where I have been, … Continue reading →

272→Husband Journey: Pizza and Purpose

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Robert had a file for everything: he had a massive collection of files in neat rows of many file cabinets, from the 1960s on. I was consumed with guilt when I recycled them. (Paper never gets thrown out, in our home, it gets recycled.) There were files for every place, everywhere in the world that he intended to visit. Architecture files, etymology files, theater files, movie files, exhibit files, stupidity files, on and on, and of course a file full of obituaries. But let’s not forget the food files. If Robert were home and still reading The New York Times, … Continue reading →

271→Husband Journey: Get a Grip

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  After about a two month hiatus, Evan and I visited Robert. The CDC rules in effect, which facilities are driven by, mandates a quick Covid test, so, for about twenty minutes, until we figured out the logistics as every test is a bit different, we stood in a drafty entryway with our tests propped up on a rolling platform, and helped a Cambodian lady nearby, follow the directions. And then, upstairs with the social worker, whom we bumped into. Now to the third floor. “Robert, Robert there are some people here to see you!” The room was on the … Continue reading →

Poetry: Needles (a re-post with historical background)

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Thinking of the Ukraine My grandma Sophie was born in the town of Kishinev, at that time, within Kiev, Russia, in 1895. In those days the borders changed every other week, so you could say she was born in Romania, the week that Kishinev was in Romania. This poem is dedicated to her. She was not educated: the Tsar forbade girls from getting an education, probably because they were indentured to sew for the royals. In later years I met someone whose grandmother also sewed for the Tsar, and it dawned on me that little girls had to work at … Continue reading →

The Puzzler: 2/19/22: The L.A.Times and The Washington Post: with Constructor Article

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direct link     and …   direct link     Link to article and puzzle solution (below) is here Feb 19, 2022 Saturday, February 19, 2022, Evan Kalish  Themeless Saturday by Evan Kalish I had to walk away several times to get this one to unfold corner by corner. I’ll tell you where I struggled as I go through the write-up. Here are Evan’s generous comments:   When I first developed this puzzle in May 2020 I thought this grid was a great for developing interesting—and intersecting—stacks. The seed was the final across entry (clued as: [A masterpiece!]), which was a … Continue reading →

270→Husband Journey: Robert Sees Evan on a News Segment

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  Evan is the go-to person for the history and importance of The U.S. Postal Service. He was interviewed for the CBS Mornings Show. He set up the details and orchestrated the interviews. The segment was shot while he was on the road in upstate New York. This is not the first time Evan has been interviewed and featured; he is known to the media and has been in print, online and on television to wit: The Pennsylvania Gazette, The Living New Deal, BBC America, The Colin McEnroe Show, CT Public Radio, Cheddar.com, Linn’s Stamp News, The Denver Post.com,  Philadelphia … Continue reading →

18. Life Is A Journey But This Is A Trip:Makes Me Wanna Holla: Big Pharma Blues

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    Think about this: Yesterday I had a talk with my neurologist about an ongoing migraine issue: let’s just say I have tried everything to control an ocular migraine and migraine vertigo challenge for about 10 years. I have been on a med, Emgality, which is a self-administered shot, (co-pay, $150+/mo with insurance), which I think is no longer helping me to the fullest, so the neurologist submitted a request to Emblem Health for a new drug. I received a call a few hours later from the insurance company informing me that my Part D would not cover this … Continue reading →

269→Husband Journey: Again

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Just thinking that this is a part of the journey, the story that remains an enigma and cannot be explained. It is the story that challenges the shadow belief that we have control. Robert contracted Covid. Again. Remember, he had it less than a year ago. He’s had two J&J vaxes. A visitor to his roommate brought it in. That ticks me off. The guidelines were so loosened by the CDC that it was, in my book, irresponsible and now the rules have been rolled back to allow visitation for people who have tested negative within twenty-four hours. I finally … Continue reading →

268→Husband Journey: Save

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This post took me more than two days and several drafts. In the middle of the night, or in the shower, in some passive moment when I am not really thinking of anything, obviously deep down there, I am: I wait, then it unfolds. So, today’s blog is about saving. Or about being saved.  Robert, on a Facetime call: “Hello, Snooks,” he  said. I mentioned something about his head. He said, “that’s the important part of me.” I heard a man in his room. An aide was helping his roommate. I could see Robert’s eyes darting, tracking left to right. … Continue reading →

The Puzzler: 12/24/21: The New York Times: Puzzle With Links to Constructor Notes

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Direct link: https://www.nytimes.com/crosswords/game/daily/2021/12/24   https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/23/crosswords/daily-puzzle-2021-12-24.html?smid=url-share Constructor Notes I’ve expressed my philosophy about themeless crossword construction, and it holds true for this puzzle: Pack as many interesting, novel entries into a grid as possible without sacrificing fill quality. I strive to construct the sorts of puzzles that I most enjoy solving, and I hope you enjoyed the ride. Surprisingly, the final across entry is a debut to the New York Times Crossword and even stumped Jeff Chen’s impeccable word list. My proposed clue was: “Setting for gifted children?” Sam’s clue is fantastic as well! I was thrilled that the editors kept my cluing angles … Continue reading →

267→Husband Journey: Now, All You Have To Deal With …

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  12/17/21 A visit to Robert. A cyst was found on Robert’s thyroid, that is why the on-site physician wanted to send him to an endocrinologist. I left messages to speak to this physician and we never connected. I canceled the appointment that they told me they had made, and told Rocky, the nurse, that I would not consent unless the doctor spoke with me and unless I had an inkling as to whether Robert’s current condition could possibly improve if he were treated. Which would probably mean surgery. Which could in his case conceivably kill him. The first and … Continue reading →

266→Husband Journey: Solos

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Morgan Freeman in “Solos”   It’s happening more and more. I look at this blank blog page and don’t know where to go with it. So, I fall into my usual stream of consciousness and let ‘er rip. Sometimes I feel like I am getting there; to a manageable place where I can get up in the morning and face another day, head-on, in my new life. Other days I feel broken. I am. There is no denying that the kicking and screaming part of the mourning process is hard, damn hard. It’s uncomfortable, nauseating, fear-based, horrifying and dreadful. I … Continue reading →

265→Husband Journey: Let Them Eat Cake

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I walked into Robert’s room with tote bags of must-haves in recognition of his birthday. Evan was waiting for a parking spot. I worked out the details over days on a sheet of paper: Bring the greeting cards a few people sent, bring our card, bring a little cake, bring something for the staff. Bring, carry, mask, stuff. I am trying to reconstruct what happened within a forty-five minute time frame a few days ago. So, here’s this guy in bed. He is my husband of forty-five years. “Hi, Rob!” Hi, Susie! “Happy Birthday!” It’s my birthday? “Yes, you are … Continue reading →

264→Husband Journey: Cogent

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Sometimes you just don’t want to feel you have to do something. You just want to dump the shoulds and not think about anything. You don’t want to be reminded that you have a husband in a nursing home whose birthday is tomorrow. That because of a fall he has been out of the house for one year. That you have to go and make like everything is fine. Schmear the staff, deal with details. See the man in the bed. Diversion comes easily in these days of Covid: new variants are the unknowns out there that manifest like the boogey-man … Continue reading →