100 years of you became 102 years of you. 102 years of you left behind a pile of birthday and Mother’s Day cards, excluding those from the Florida days. Found in a bureau drawer. Some were glittery, some were funny, some were cartoony, some were serious, some were from art museums, some were from the family, some were from me, some were. She is no longer. She was outlived by paper. When you find the things left behind you realize so much, it hits home: you really can’t take it with you. It’s all borrowed; everything you own. Anything … Continue reading →

  Honestly, folks, I do not know where to begin. The last few months began a period of tremendous change, all—encompassing change, overwhelming transitions and tasks. Phone call after phone call, fax after fax to deal with the end of my mother’s life and the final vestiges of what made it hers. So many calls that even with notes I could barely recall to whom I spoke and what was said. I was dealing with cognitive over-load. Things are still getting sorted out. Then, there is the apartment. You don’t really feel the impact of a loss until you enter … Continue reading →

S.Kalish/The Green-Wood Cemetery The Talmud writes, “It is a good sign for one who passes away on the eve of Shabbat.” On the most simple level this is because they enter Shabbat, a true day of rest, shortly after their passing. The holy Shabbat is a day of rest not only for those who observe it on this physical realm, but also for the souls in the hereafter. Souls that are being cleansed of their sins in Gehinnom are relieved of this painful process for the duration of Shabbat, free to experience the Shabbat rest. One who passes away on … Continue reading →

      Mother: I barely call or speak to my mother at this time. My brain can’t fit in any more information, however, since I last saw you, here, the Hospice social worker who visits my mother, reported that Candy the aide had told her that there are days when my mother doesn’t sleep some nights. This reinforces my decision for fighting for the two-twelve-hours shifts so that someone would be working during the night. It is a pattern of two nights without sleep. She, Val, also reported that my mother, who is bedridden and barely can sit up, … Continue reading →

  Notes from conversations: Ideations of a mind crossing over. I was in the movies. I was just on TV. I can’t come out of my little box with my coverlets. (I bought bolsters to corral her in bed as she constantly tries to get out) I can sing. I loved to dance. When I love it so much I think of dad. We loved to dance. Mother was with a group of people in the street. She was so tired she made a sigh and she fell down. I feel peculiar. I love her, she’s a wonderful woman, our … Continue reading →

    Written, Saturday, 8/15/20 Was yesterday a turning point? The Hospice nurse and social worker called to report their visit: my mother was sleeping. She was barely eating or drinking. The end was near. Anytime. Big difference from a visit a week ago where my mother was chatty and could spell her name. I had a sick feeling in my gut. I jumped when the phone rang. I imagined the scenario, of what I would do, how I would react. Imagining the date. Standing over a gravesite. Writing her day of birth and death on paper. Imagining feeling numb, … Continue reading →