Tag Archives: mother-daughter journey

Part 83: Mother-Daughter Journey: When Things No Longer Add-Up

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  From my previous blog … Just to rewind a bit, my mother was found to have macular degeneration by my ophthalmologist who sent her to a retina specialist. It was a long, tough day which lasted a good four hours. During that time, interviews took place, photos were taken and diagnosis were made. And the diagnosis was that my mother is now legally blind in the worse eye, and in need of treatment in the better one. Treatment for her better, “wet-macular-degeneration-eye” is a shot…in the eye. You heard me, don’t cringe. That’s what they do to deal with … Continue reading →

Part 82: Mother-Daughter Journey: Look Carefully

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This is the eighty-second installment of my Mother-Daughter Journey Series, written on a special day. What is the secret of longevity? It must be attitude. What is the secret of my on-going migraine issue? It must be attitude. Why do I have a pit in my gut? Today is my mother’s 98th birthday. We spent the day yesterday at the ophthalmologist’s office. We were shocked: My mother has gone blind in one eye from macular degeneration. (Her previous doctor never caught this and she saw him just a few months ago.) The “good” eye is affected, too. She loved to … Continue reading →

Part 81: Mother-Daughter Journey: The Opera Called “Truth”

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“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest This is the eighty-first part of the series of my mother-daughter journey that began more than two years ago. I haven’t written since my mother’s ninety-seventh birthday in March; things have been relatively quiet. I say relatively, as there is, in fact, something always going on, but the occurrences vary in degree. I might be dealing with outside agencies and making call after call to follow up on an issue. I might be paying bills, tracking finances, delivering the rent and trust check. I … Continue reading →

Part 80: A Special Day

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Today is my mother’s 97th birthday. I never expected her to live this long or to be so intact. It is amazing. She has survived numerous bouts with pneumonia over the years, has battled life-long food allergies and has out-lived every member of her family. Her requests: the latest crossword puzzles Women’s Health Newsletter   It’s been a long, lousy Winter. Let’s hope that Spring renews us all, and that the days continue to be kind to my mom.   This blog is part of a series. The next installment is here: Part 81: Mother-Daughter Journey: The Opera Called “Truth” … Continue reading →

Part 79: Observing. A Look At My Mother

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Yesterday I made a quick run over to my mother’s residence to leave off a rent check. I had to make a quick visit–there was no room in the parking lot. My mother has taken to leaving her door open when she is expecting meals or company and the tray from the previous meal is always waiting for pickup, leaning against the wall near her door. Each time I see her she is smaller. She is probably about four feet seven inches but who knows? Her presence has diminished greatly but she still has an ability to make sure she … Continue reading →

Part 78. Hiding My Other Face

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    It has been a while since I have written about my mother. I recently mentioned a fund-raiser for her building that I attended, I likely mentioned that we have changed aides; I’ve been relatively quiet on the parent front. I’ll say a few words. It is just over a year that my mother was moved back to New York City from Florida. I had seen her during the summer before the beginning of a decline. She had begun to fall and was likely having panic attacks which drove up her blood pressure in the evenings. She kept a packed … Continue reading →

Part 77. Been There, Done That

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It has been almost a year since my mother was brought back to her hometown, New York City. She has spent many of the subsequent months adjusting emotionally and physically. She spent about four of those months of adjustment ill and she always manages to make a comeback. She’s been been through a bunch of aides and is currently in transition again. This is the first time since March of 2013 that she hasn’t had twenty-four hour care. Paying for someone for round the clock care has depleted her of almost a whole life-time of her savings and her funds … Continue reading →

Part 76: Brain, Brain Go Away

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I finished with a “real” (cluster/pain) headache–THREE days, this morning after I had a strong cuppa. Then took an Imitrex. Then got TWO successive ocular migraines. Therefor: Imitrex does not prevent oculars, nor does, so far, acupuncture and related treatments. An hour ago the visual disturbance was on the left side, now it is on the right. (It is perceived that way but close one eye or the other, it is seen with both eyes=BRAIN SPASM). This has become the new norm. When I have a pain headache I am good for nothing. I suspect that the Botox treatment is … Continue reading →

Part 75: Life in Cartoons

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There is no better cartoonist that Roz Chast, whose venue is The New Yorker Magazine. (Please make sure you click the blue links) Her book, Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? is her pure genius chronicle of her elderly parents’ final year; what they went through, what she went through. I read it in a few hours and began to read it again, I just didn’t want the story to end; I laughed and then cried. There is no better illustration of comic tragedy or tragic comedy. It is the example in literature of making light in the face of … Continue reading →

Part 74: Wonton Delight

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Last year at this time, my mother had a strange series of events which led her to the hospital and then to rehab where she was fading. In a month’s time she was no longer the same person. Rehab did nothing but make the situation worse and I demanded she be released to her home, in Florida; she was subsequently put on Hospice care. She was dwindling fast, seventy-five pounds. She got pneumonia. It was found that her assisted living facility (where she had been living independently for four years) was infested with rats, the biggest one was probably the … Continue reading →

Part 73: Breaking Down, Building up

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  I have returned. I received a few notes from friends asking me when I was going to post, wondering if they were no longer on the subscribe list. I am still here and trying very hard to organize my thoughts before the auto-alert goes out and tells you: Sans Souci’s words of wisdom are out there. I have no idea what I will call this until the end. I have no idea where this is going but I feel compelled to write. It’s about cats and mothers and things falling apart and being fixed. Literally, figuratively.   The City … Continue reading →

Part 72: Thanks

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Mother and Daughter on a Swing, 1895 Robert Walker Macbeth In my previous mother-daughter journey post, described my mother and a recent conversation: she had fallen back into her obstinate side, the dark side of her moon, the side that gives you a rationalization for everything. The side that says, “I am too old and tired.” When I mentioned that if her funds run out, something I didn’t want to discuss but the conversation led us there, she became terrified. Maybe that was a good thing. I repeat: she has her mind, her hearing, her vision, no aches and pains, … Continue reading →

Part 71: Giving Thanks?

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Early days in Stuyvesant Town The tree outside my mother’s window was full and green when she moved into her apartment in late July. She enjoyed her meals, the people, the building, the staff. She spent her days in the movie room and seemed content. The seasons change. The tree’s leaves turned to brown. It is now easy to see the building across the street. Have you been wondering what happened to my “mother-daughter” series? It has been a while since I have written; I have been pushing issues to the back, dealing with the sick kitty, with persistent ocular … Continue reading →

Part 70: I Invented Twitter

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      1. Here I am, checking in, yes, I am still here, but I got lazy; I needed a break from life, at least from writing about it but the thoughts and words are sucking me back in. There is no running away. It’s been about two weeks since I last posted about this mother-daughter journey I have been on. When last I wrote it was confusing: who was the mother and who was the daughter? I think I finally hit on the answer. Both my mother and I have been one another’s parent and child since I … Continue reading →

Part 69: Who’s Who?

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I have been putting off writing the latest addition to my mother-daughter series for several reasons: I have been really tired if not drained, I have been fighting those ocular migraines which have been coming in groups, like one episode a day isn’t enough, I have been busy running around, and at times I am just plain daunted. I have: taken my mother to apply for all kinds of changes at social security taken her to apply for a NYS photo ID gotten applications for all kinds of services spent hours on the phone with the social worker gotten her … Continue reading →

Part 68: The Changing Of The Guard

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One went, one came. Another will come. The new guards will take turns. It’s different. What was, since the end of February, is now over. After Cynthia said “goodbye,” dressed in her fancy blouse, Capris and huge peep-toed heels, dragging her seventy-five+ pound bags after her, my mother shed a tear and sang  “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face.”  The deal was done. Peaches from The Bronx had taken Cynthia’s place and would be living in.  Peaches looked childlike and was shivering in fear at the newness.  Sunday, she commuted on the Q44 bus from The Bronx at 9:00 a.m.  … Continue reading →

Part 67: Patterns

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  I bet you thought everything was just perfect. Things have quieted down; my mother’s behavior seems to have fallen into patterns that at times follow an obvious woof and warp and other times swirl into complicated paisleys.     There are days when everything seems clear and direct, going in the proper direction, staying in line. Tightly woven. Feeling as it should; days of exhaling breath with a grateful sigh of relief. I observe my mother being part of the new community, enjoying her meals, making friends, taking things in stride, displaying her sense of humor.   There are … Continue reading →

Part 66: The Ghost in the Canister

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I have been unpacking and repacking two large cartons of breakables in my mother’s new studio apartment. Treasures from my childhood have been making an appearance; they are the same but different; you know what I mean. The memories of vases, bowls, brick-a-brack are intact yet marred by time, the slight distortions making me wonder if my memories have aged or if the china cups and saucers in the cabinet that used to be on the wall behind glass have aged. The only thing I know for sure is that I have aged. In the late 1970’s on my first … Continue reading →

Part 65: Ninety-Five and Driving a BMW

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And so, when it was time to get acquainted with the physicians in the building, my mother questioned “why?” “Why do I have to see a doctor when I just saw a doctor in Florida and he said I passed all my tests?” “But you are here now and you need to choose a physician. There are three in the building on the main floor in a satellite office from a nearby hospital.” I made sense. She bought it. The aide made an appointment. My mother was immediately charmed by the doctor who happens to be the head of geriatrics … Continue reading →

Part 64: Catching Up … Mythically

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This afternoon I spoke to the elder attorney for about forty-five minutes; there were many updates to discuss. I needed information and guidance, I continue to be overwhelmed. “Sans Souci,” he said, just remember that what you have done so far is Herculean! Just getting your mother here! Everything else is easy, really, it’s the implementation that  sometimes isn’t…” Keep reminding me that I have the strength of a mythic Greek. It has been a week since I put the previous post together. Last week continued to be enveloped in the fog of never-ending details to track, to-do-lists, chores and … Continue reading →