Tag Archives: nursing home

Part 291: Husband Journey: Has Orvieto Been Lost?

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We had lunch and we went. My son, my husband’s dearest friend from second grade, and I. Am I recovered? Enough, I guess to make my way back out into society and to a nursing home, where Robert has been living for almost three years. As long as I swallow hard and make myself numb, I am OK. Until I walk into the room and see a person in a bed who I don’t recognize. We usually visit in the late afternoon between the time the patients are being tended to and served dinner. Perhaps it is not the best … Continue reading →

Part 290. Husband Journey: 47th Anniversary in a Nursing Home

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      I had not seen Robert in-person in months. Possibly not since last summer? Last fall? There were surgeries. A wedding. Fear of Covid. Life changes. We visited more via FaceTime where I could show him around the house and hope to tweak his memory. And then on March 2, 2023 after months of stress and worry, I had a mastectomy. Another mastectomy; after nineteen years. I am still recovering from complications three months later. I was determined to visit in person on our anniversary. It was forty-seven years ago that we married. We worked. We had a … Continue reading →

Part 289. Husband Journey & (Part 29. Cancer) I Heard it Through The Grapevine

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  The confluence of events continues: It is the countdown to a big surgery. I am not going to announce the date but it is coming up and my head just keeps spinning. In fact, I even had two lousy days of bed-ridden vertigo; it’s been a long time since I was on that ride and I was glad to get off. But stress, ahhh, good old stress will get you any which way it can. So let’s catch-up. My appointments are in order, I’ve had pre-surgery testing by the hospital. I’ve booked an agency for a 24/7 aide for … Continue reading →

Part 288. Husband Journey: I am a Cartoon Living in a Pixelated World

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1/24/23 I began my day, as many of my days are started with acute anxiety. I know all of the tricks to help it dissipate–to an extent– but the thought of a big surgery coming up in about a month, becomes overwhelming. Meditation and visualization pick at the mountain of fear. People tell me to call them and I want to but as it turns out most times, I can’t move or if I do call,  they are not home. Deep breaths. I try to reconstruct myself, like I am made of Legos, snapping the pieces together, so that I … Continue reading →

286→Husband Journey: I Wish I Had a River

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The Levin Farm; Cambridge, New York 1972 oil on canvas Art for a typical holiday card was usually a winter photograph taken by one of us. This painting served well as our annual winter scene one year ~ The muse gets lost in the shuffle of life. It took a friend’s email to jolt me awake. Thank you, Phyllis. I wrote back: Merry Christmas to you and yours. Every year, Robert would toil over putting together a printed tome and winter photo to wish an incredibly long list of people the best for the holidays. It was his annual tradition … Continue reading →

285→Husband Journey: Time Passages

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  November 18, 2022   Robert looks at the ipad.  I say, “can you see? One eye is closed.” He opens it. Years ago he was seeing double; perhaps that was a sign of things to come. We had a special prescription made to correct that. A prism was embedded into his lenses. I have no idea where those glasses are: in one of the many places he was in over the last couple of years: the hospital, the nursing home, the hospital again, triaged in the Bronx with Covid, back to the nursing home. In one of the many … Continue reading →

284→Husband Journey: Wedding Retrospective

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How do you attend your son’s wedding without your partner of almost fifty years? You just do. You kind of depersonalize. You step out of your body, disconnect and swallow the lump in your throat. You’ve rehearsed the event in your mind as best as you could with your imagination as your guide. You observe. It is bittersweet to see a child reach this point but you try to focus on the positive. You smile, you dance, you focus on not falling, you mingle, you try to enjoy the fabulous food. A few nice details: The sun emerged a couple … Continue reading →

282→Husband Journey: Dreams to Remember

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August has been speeding up and despite my protests, much of it is gone, pushing me to Fall. I keep busy. I distract myself. There is plenty to think about and plenty I do not want to face. I am having a biopsy under MRI this week for something suspicious that appeared on a recent MRI. The MRI is the new annual protocol for breast cancer people. Like I said, I don’t want to think about that for now, so, let me report on my last Facetime visit with Robert. By the time you read this I will have had … Continue reading →

281→Husband Journey: It’s Automatic

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Over the last few weeks I have been speaking to Robert via FaceTime calls. It takes the stress off of me: I don’t have to sit in a hot car and take a Covid test before entering the nursing home, and, in addition, I have a houseful of stuff with which to stimulate his brain. I am finding that since the stents were inserted to open clogged arteries, he seems to be more alert. When I get a Facetime call from the nursing home, I greet Robert, wait for the din around him to die down and begin, or try … Continue reading →

279→Husband Journey: Playing Ketchup

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So my friends, it’s catch-up time. We are back to Robert and a few of his noted responses during visits. When we communicate I prompt and prompt for a response but there are times when words just come to him and I am pleasantly surprised … I haven’t taken as many notes as I would have liked during in-person and FaceTime calls, but I will say that sometimes my babbling and prompting seem to work. To wit: when I mentioned that our brother-in-law had been ill there was initially no reaction, but if I said, “what would you like to … Continue reading →

278→Husband Journey: Life Goes On

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I took this photo last year and it is part of my apple watch slideshow display: Everytime I raise my hand there is a new flower glowing in the light, changing in front of me, right on my wrist. It reminds me that the living need to be focused on, that things are happening that require attention, that life goes on. We visited Robert the other day, as Father’s Day may not be an option for a visit. Robert doesn’t mark time or the days. i suspect that “time” is one long continuum and he has forgotten when it began. … Continue reading →

277→Husband Journey: Total Eclipse of the Heart

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  Though last weekend is behind me, I am still rattled. Not so much by what happened—or didn’t—to Robert, but by what happened, by what could happen, and how things are handled. I was in my Friday night position, around 9:00 PM, situated in front of the television, watching still another streaming show, (so far over 130) when the phone rang. The caller ID was that of the nursing home and it was way too late for the Covid-robo-call-update. Deep breath. Hello. I was informed that “everything is alright,” but…however…throw in the conjunction of your choice that will make you … Continue reading →

276→Husband Journey: Memorial Day

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Memorial Day May 30, 2022   It is a day of gratitude, of looking back, of memorializing. This day, forty-six years ago, Robert and I married. It was the second marriage for each of us: I was a widow, yes, at age twenty-six. He was divorced. It just happened that the Universe threw us together and there we were embarking on a new life, together. It turned out to be a life well-lived, filled with all New York City could offer. Filled with all the world could offer. Travel, exploration, good food, always good food. A great son. It went … Continue reading →

275→Husband Journey: Hand Jive

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Written: Tuesday, April 26, 2022 Today is the bicentennial-birthday of Frederick Law Olmsted, (April 26, 1822 – August 28, 1903), who is considered the Father of Landscape Architecture. When I first heard of him, it was through Robert. Olmsted designed Central Park, Riverside Drive, Riverside Park, Ft. Tryon Park, in Manhattan, Prospect Park in Brooklyn, Forest Park in Queens, Vanderbilt Mausoleum in Staten Island, Grand Army Plaza, Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn, and more, all in New York City: His legacy includes parks, buildings, campuses, cemeteries, public and private works, all over the country. In today’s The New York Times … Continue reading →

274→Husband Journey: On Disconnecting

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Written/Sunday, April 17, 2022 Today is Passover, overlayed with Easter and the end of Ramadan. You may have had several sedars, or said, “he is risen,” or ended your fasting. We are one. It is time to read. I have a story to tell. One recent morning when I was extremely down and trying to begin another day, my friend, Barbara B., sent me a link a podcast on BBC Radio. She recently had lost her mother, who, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, was in the same  nursing home as Robert, in fact, on the same floor. When … Continue reading →

272→Husband Journey: Pizza and Purpose

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Robert had a file for everything: he had a massive collection of files in neat rows of many file cabinets, from the 1960s on. I was consumed with guilt when I recycled them. (Paper never gets thrown out, in our home, it gets recycled.) There were files for every place, everywhere in the world that he intended to visit. Architecture files, etymology files, theater files, movie files, exhibit files, stupidity files, on and on, and of course a file full of obituaries. But let’s not forget the food files. If Robert were home and still reading The New York Times, … Continue reading →

271→Husband Journey: Get a Grip

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  After about a two month hiatus, Evan and I visited Robert. The CDC rules in effect, which facilities are driven by, mandates a quick Covid test, so, for about twenty minutes, until we figured out the logistics as every test is a bit different, we stood in a drafty entryway with our tests propped up on a rolling platform, and helped a Cambodian lady nearby, follow the directions. And then, upstairs with the social worker, whom we bumped into. Now to the third floor. “Robert, Robert there are some people here to see you!” The room was on the … Continue reading →

269→Husband Journey: Again

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Just thinking that this is a part of the journey, the story that remains an enigma and cannot be explained. It is the story that challenges the shadow belief that we have control. Robert contracted Covid. Again. Remember, he had it less than a year ago. He’s had two J&J vaxes. A visitor to his roommate brought it in. That ticks me off. The guidelines were so loosened by the CDC that it was, in my book, irresponsible and now the rules have been rolled back to allow visitation for people who have tested negative within twenty-four hours. I finally … Continue reading →

268→Husband Journey: Save

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This post took me more than two days and several drafts. In the middle of the night, or in the shower, in some passive moment when I am not really thinking of anything, obviously deep down there, I am: I wait, then it unfolds. So, today’s blog is about saving. Or about being saved.  Robert, on a Facetime call: “Hello, Snooks,” he  said. I mentioned something about his head. He said, “that’s the important part of me.” I heard a man in his room. An aide was helping his roommate. I could see Robert’s eyes darting, tracking left to right. … Continue reading →

267→Husband Journey: Now, All You Have To Deal With …

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  12/17/21 A visit to Robert. A cyst was found on Robert’s thyroid, that is why the on-site physician wanted to send him to an endocrinologist. I left messages to speak to this physician and we never connected. I canceled the appointment that they told me they had made, and told Rocky, the nurse, that I would not consent unless the doctor spoke with me and unless I had an inkling as to whether Robert’s current condition could possibly improve if he were treated. Which would probably mean surgery. Which could in his case conceivably kill him. The first and … Continue reading →