On this day, the day of our son’s birth, Evan took me to visit Robert. One has mixed emotions about days such as this due to timing, association of events, (in this case birthdays) and just plain anxiety. And because, due to rules, Evan was not permitted to come upstairs with me, he opted out and decided he wasn’t going to visit his dad without me.  There have been times when we have been able to circumnavigate the rules and go together but this time was a sensitive time: Evan could not do it. When I arrived upstairs, wearing … Continue reading →

When I visit Robert I hope for a spark, something to prove that he is still present. During my last visit I went into my usual soliloquy: I do my late night TV-type monologue and wonder how Johnny Carson survived for so many years. It ain’t easy. The visitor feels compelled to keep a conversation going when there is no one to converse with. Robert hasn’t initiated conversation in months. Apparently, that part of his brain is unable to latch on to the words he might want to say. He doesn’t ask for anything. He is no longer moved for visits. … Continue reading →

So, here we are, room 213B. Robert’s room looks out on the nurse’s station. The nurse’s station keeps an eye on him as he fell out of bed three times in the past.  I caught it at a moment when the hustle and bustle had died down. Where was everyone? It is not quiet, never quiet. There is always beeping or chatter or laughing, always a din that lives in the walls and invades sleep and rest, but, eventually, the patients become immune, deafened like they’ve never heard it and the visitor’s nerves remain jangled, and will never get used … Continue reading →

Just to tell you. Robert is eating less than 50% of what is served, and sometimes nothing at all. The facility wanted to send him to the ER for hospital admission for a feeding tube. It ain’t gonna happen. I told the nurse with a witness on the line: Do Not Resuscitate, Do Not Intubate. No feeding tubes going down the nose and into the stomach. No. No. I repeat: NO. He is on “compassionate care.” He is to be made comfortable. If he wants to eat, he eats. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to. Give fluids, … Continue reading →

    Last Thursday evening was uplifting: it was the C.C.N.Y Alumni Service Award ceremony on Zoom. After the minutes were gone over and approved, six alumni members and two staff members received recognition. Robert was from the oldest class, 1969; his bio was read by another alumni member. I had no idea how the introduction would work and I hadn’t prepared an acceptance speech, so I, a speech major, did it on the fly, and augmented the bio which was based on Dalton’s nomination for the Architecture School Award. I went on to speak about Robert’s incredible amount of … Continue reading →

        Dear Robert: I have the privilege of officially notifying you that the Alumni Service Awards Committee unanimously voted to confer on you the 2021 Alumni Service Award. Congratulations! This award recognizes your ongoing and outstanding service to CCNY and the Alumni Association. This award is presented at our Annual Alumni Meeting – this year scheduled for Thursday, June 10, 2021. Note that this meeting will be held online (via Zoom) due to the continued challenges posed by the coronavirus pandemic. While we are disappointed that we are unable to gather to celebrate in-person, we did not … Continue reading →